How changing social norms empower people to go childfree
By Milliam Murigi, July 16, 2025Children were once seen as a measure of legacy, but today, many women are challenging that idea in pursuit of freedom, ambition, and self-defined happiness.
Drew Miranda never pictured herself with children of her own, and at 52 years old, she remains proudly childfree by choice. One major reason is that she was essentially a parent from a very young age.
Her mother was mentally ill and “parentified” her early on. By age four, she was changing her baby sister’s diapers and putting her to bed during her mother’s ill episodes.
Apart from that, she had a traumatic, abusive childhood and has worked hard to break that cycle.
Her focus has been on healing and building a stable life, and there has been no space for raising children in that journey.
“I love children and I’m a devoted aunt to my friends’ children, but I know myself well. I’d be loving, but also anxious, overprotective, bad at discipline, and unsure how my past would affect my parenting. I didn’t love my mother, so when she died eight years ago, all I felt was relief. I can’t imagine creating a healthy parent-child bond when I never had one myself,” she says.
Children are not retirement plans
Though people often tell her she would make a good mother, Miranda says that she has consciously decided not to risk continuing cycles of pain. There are practical reasons too.
She works hard, she values her freedom and her sleep, and she loves living life on her terms.
However, despite choosing to be childfree, people still ask her who will take care of her when she’s old. But she believes having children for that reason is selfish because children aren’t retirement plans; they’re people.
“I never wanted children, and I still don’t. I have no regrets, only frustration when people tell me, “You still have time.” I don’t want more time. I just don’t want children, and that’s enough,” she adds.
Financial stability
Linda Wanjiru is another woman who has decided to be childfree by choice. From a young age, Linda knew that motherhood wasn’t something she felt called to.
After watching her mother struggle to raise four children on a single income after a divorce, she promised herself she would first secure her independence and have full control over her life’s choices.
Now in her mid-30s, she’s financially stable, loves to travel, and runs a side business as a life coach for women.
She reveals that she’s faced constant questions and subtle pressure from family and friends about “when will she settle down and have children,” but she’s firm in her decision.
“For me, fulfillment comes from building my career, mentoring young women, and having the freedom to decide how to spend my time and money,” she says.
“I love children, but I also love the life I’ve built for myself, and I don’t think motherhood is the only way to be a complete woman.”
It is a choice
Miranda and Wanjiru are not the only women who have chosen to live childfree.
A recent report by the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) shows that a growing number of people worldwide are voluntarily opting to live childfree, challenging long-held societal expectations about family, parenting, and fulfillment.
The 2025 State of World Population report reveals that in many regions, a significant number of young men and women say they do not plan to become parents, not because of infertility or delays, but simply because they do not want children.
But why are more people opting to be childfree?
“A 2024 study by Salgado and Magalhães found that many women opt out of motherhood due to unequal caregiving burdens and workplace sacrifices, pointing to parenting norms that disproportionately affect women as a key influence on the decision. Sociologically, this is an excuse. The real motivation will shock you,” says Kabii Thuo, an author and social researcher with an interest in expressed human behaviour.
Perspectives have changed
According to him, this is happening because the perspectives of children and parenthood across time has shifted greatly and as such, the cultural safeguards have diminished.
A lot of people are now free to chart their own paths and still remain respectable and complete members of the social group.
The Gíkúyú community folk role, for instance, posits that children are equal to trophies, but that was the world of then. Culture is also dynamic, meaning other trophies have found their way to the high table.
Such social trophies that compete with children include career breakthroughs and associated rewards, juxtaposed with the increased burden of raising children.
“The fact that society will applaud success means that it will accommodate the emerging norms that come with members deemed successful and this means that societal pressures are assuaged,” he says, adding, “What we see today with those who choose to remain childfree is also a culmination of developments ranging from fewer children fads of the 80s and success in family planning methods.”
According to him, from up to 10 children to half the figure and then just one or two, the newbies will ask why not zero children?
Apart from that, we also have a generation that lacks depth in its worldview, and because of that, they fall for illusions camouflaged as ideals, making room for any hyped ideas to have traction.
Selfishness
Majority of those who choose childless lives, according to him, are largely doing it for selfish and superficial reasons because the world of today has alternatives for the main reasons they cite.
If education and career are the issues, there are many ways of studying and working in a flexible way, and childcare services are right inside the office.
“The women of this generation value their body tones and shapes a lot, and childbearing will definitely take a huge toll on these investments at least up to a certain age. The problem here is the psychological change that happens after exiting the childbearing stage and all the fantasies, fads, thrills and illusions are debunked to the bare core,” he adds.
Such people start to gravitate towards children and ideals, but they are obviously trapped by the biological clock.
Now they choose again to be childless in a bid to pacify the cognitive dissonance inside their minds, something like choosing childlessness because of denial.
Replaced children’s roles
Another thing that is making them comfortable with a child-free life is the fact that many traditional roles once played by children have now been replaced.
Gadgets, clubs, and gyms keep people occupied in their younger years, while asset managers, retirement schemes, and insurance plans provide security in old age making a strong case for a fulfilling life without children.
His advice is “Let us not forget the thrill of a carefree life without the second thought of children and their future, especially for this generation of today that is anchored on a shaky foundation.”