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Veronica Abok thought the stars had shone on her when she married a white Chilean man. But that star turned to doom as she faced threats to her life and came back to the country with nothing.

Jasmine Atieno @sparkleMine

Interracial love has recently been one of the coolest trends in the ‘love market’.

For some, marrying a white person equals hitting a jackpot, happy life and opulence.

Living abroad is the ultimate goal of some people. Others swear they would go for interracial marriage just to have ‘adorable’ children.

Not to forget interracial marriages hold great hope for eradicating racism. And yes, with all these bonus points, so many young people have turned interracial dating into a heist, which sometimes ends in unfortunate situations. 

Veronica Abok thought the stars had shone on her when she met a white man in 2013.

She had just landed her first job in Nairobi as a waitress at a local restaurant.

After exchanging contacts, the relationship moved rather fast. And when the man’s visa expired, he left the country promising to bring her to the other side for a visit too.

The trip did happen and it changed the young woman’s life permanently. The bright star has turned to doom. 

“When we met, he was working with Kibera Amlet Non-Governmental Organisation.

We met on my first day at work — I can’t say it was love at first sight. He was a frequent customer at the hotel.

We exchanged contacts and that’s how we got talking. After he left for Chile, he started helping me process my papers so I could visit him for a month.

Which he did and in August 2013, I travelled abroad,” she says.

 The reception was poor from the moment Veronica stepped down. “He knew the time my plane was set to land, yet he wasn’t there to receive me.

I waited for him at the airport for so long the authorities started threatening to deport me.

He finally came four hours later and took me home. I was to stay for only one month, but it was extended to six months. I was disconnected from the world.

No communication, no phone calls. I was locked all that time… and endured physical abuse from the mother,” shares Veronica.

What would follow is a chaotic stay in Chile characterised by threats to her life, from her mother-in-law putting a gun right into her face to her husband trying to drown her.

Humiliated, pregnant and broke

Later, she managed to get Wi-Fi password and using a phone she had carried from Kenya, she contacted some friends abroad.

She also managed to pressure the family into letting her go back home, pregnant and broke to the bone.

“It was the most humiliating situation. I arrived at the Jomo Kenyatta International Airport (JKIA) with nothing, not even money to get a taxi home.

I pleaded with cab drivers, who dropped me at Nairobi’s Bus Station, and even gave me fare,” she recalls. 

She picked up her pieces, moved on and started doing casual jobs. She even gave birth to a baby girl in July 2014.

Two years after the baby was born, the man started making contact with her again. He apologised and even started sending her money.

As love is, the white man came back to Kenya with promises of doing better only to impregnate her again, before leaving and completely cutting off all links with her. 

Being a single mother of two mixed race children has not been easy — being unable to afford their needs and with most strangers assuming she is the nanny rather than mother has had immense toll on her mental health as well. 

Veronicah’s story is just one of the many young girls that fall into the trap of accepting so quickly to move abroad with their new partners without knowing them or no clue of their partner’s background.

They rush into marriage unknowingly thinking that their foreign spouse is going to be their saviour. 

Belgium-based Kenyan Relationship Coach, Chinese Kikie has for years been advising young women and men to learn who their partners are before moving out of their country. 

How to play safe

“What if your partner has a criminal background, is married to someone else, has an aggressive behaviour, and is an alcoholic or substance abuser, mentally unstable?

You simply can’t figure this out within a few weeks that he or she spends with you on a holiday here.

Always do a background check, don’t ignore any red flags because it might cost your life in the future.

Get to know their childhood, family relationships, if he works, wherever they live, any substance abuse, anger management, social behaviour and their communication skills.

I have seen many Kenyans falling into the trap of thinking that the grass is greener on the other side without doing any research and they end up in pure dissatisfaction and disappointment,” shares Kikie

Kikie advises that it is important to trust your instincts, and in case of danger, seek help if possible, in the nearest embassy or Kenyan community abroad. 

“Always know your rights in a foreign country and that includes knowing the emergency numbers that you should call when in trouble.

Call police in case of any mistreatment from your partner, don’t let it pile up. Build a case, but don’t provoke the aggressor.

Confide to a friend that you trust or a family member whom you can send all the evidence in case of anything.

In this case, what if you lose your phone? Always have a backup. Always keep your travel documents and papers in a safe place,” she advises. 

Through her Instagram live sessions that run on the weekends, Kikie helps women and men in need in times of trouble abroad. 

“We are brothers and sisters keepers. Don’t be coerced to signing paperwork without understanding what it means or are in a foreign language, ask for a translation.

There are safe houses for women in trouble in Europe and other countries.  Knowing these places before hand is important so you can go there in times of trouble,” she says in ending.