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“A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to save them from starving. They all have food in their own homes. When we gather together in the moonlit village ground it is not because of the moon. Every man can see it in his own compound. We come together because it is good for kinsmen to do so,”

Chinua Achebe wrote in his book, Things Fall Apart.

The Men’s Conference — which for a long time was fictitious — has finally come to light. Indeed, it’s never been fictional but reality — just that it’s now being held in disclosed locations.

The first official men’s conference was held this year at Carnivore Restaurant, with the theme: Creating Better Men. Hundreds of men came together to hang out, network and learn from each other, as well as to receive advice from fellow men doubling as professionals in different fields.

Always scheduled for February 14, the conference was not meant to go against Valentine’s Day. But a molding of finance and romance led to its birth, with the topics discussed being quite pertinent.

Mental health

Mental health for men surfaced at the conference as men tried to seek answers to pressing issues on the topic. Dr Frank Njenga, an advisor of former President Uhuru Kenyatta, told men to take mental health issues seriously, noting that every man must first love himself and his health.

 “Mental health of the boy-child demands understanding. We have what we call a ‘love deficit’, and that’s lack of love for one’s self. Until every man knows how to love himself, we will not be able to solve problems that affect men. You are good when you are healthy mentally, physically and spiritually. To achieve that, you need to seek knowledge of yourself before that of those around you,” he said.

He continued: “You have to go for health check-ups and know your health as a man. If you have any mental issue, like suicidal thoughts, go to a qualified person for help. By doing so, you will be able to help your wife, children and those around you.”

His sentiments were echoed by thespian Ian Mbugua, who said men should seek help when they have troubling issues. “It’s high time men were understood as men. There’s nothing wrong when you seek help, but from the right people. Don’t ask your peers for advice because they might not give you the right advice — they might tell you to drink alcohol, instead. We need to take mental health seriously,” he reiterated.

Family issues like inheritance and responsibility also took center stage. Many uncomfortable truths filled the air as men came to terms with the reality that they are responsible by law for all the children they sire. And since the law doesn’t discriminate, this responsibility is shared equally by both parents, as lawyer Danstan Omari stated.

“Article 53 (1) (e) says every parent to a child is equal. Maintenance of children is on half-half basis, but it’s stereotypical that men should take full responsibility. No man or woman should be used as a cash machine. Every parent is equal,” he stated.

Pastor Simon Mbevi advised men to always find ways to resolves family issues, and went ahead to state the principles to follow. “It’s human to fight but, in the end, you have to resolve the conflict. You must make wise choices,” he said.

He added: “Masculinity is like sitting on a three-legged-stool — denoting honor, duty and care. Honour is the character, the way you relate with others. Duty is responsibility: you don’t have to be taken to court to support the children you excitedly brought forth”.  The Men’s Conference often runs parallel to Valentine’s, but most attendees argued that the issues discussed are aimed at rejuvenating their lives. James Wawire, an attendee, said that the conference helps men to grow. “It imparts men with vast knowledge and they learn from each other. This has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.

Lionize the boy

Lawyer Danstan Omari cracked the whip on mama’s boys, saying that men should stand up and fight for their positions. He urged men to avoid alcohol, drugs and crime, adding that nothing is given for free. “This conference is meant to lionize the boy, you should not be a mama’s boy. Start strong, fight your battles, select your battles. Don’t select alcohol, drugs, crime or laziness. Select industry and you will grow,” he posed.

In the past few months, several women have come to the limelight begging for help, which some of them later get. But for men, it does not happen like that. This was in agreement with the circulating memes, such as: “men, you are alone”. The panelists said men should not focus on such stuff but should instead showcase what they are capable of, as politician Robert Alai stated.

“Don’t beg. When you beg, as a man, nobody will listen to you. What you need to provide is what you have. If you are skilled in a field, please say so and people might get you an opportunity. But if you ask someone to buy you lunch, that makes you a lesser man,” he said.

The Men’s Conference attracted a sizeable number of men, and equal opposition too. However, Chris Kirwa opined that it is here to stay and that, in the near future, it’s going to be a huge conference.