Thank you Cathy for your question. First of all, three years is long enough for someone to know whether or not they want to commit to you. From what you say, there seems to be no reason at all as to why he is not ready to commit, only excuses. Has he told you what needs to improve in your relationship and what will make him sure of your relationship? What is he doing about improving the relationship? At your age, you need to ask yourself; how long are you going to wait for this commitment?

You can’t make him commit

There’s nothing you can do to make a man commit to you. Even if you threaten him or con him to do so, he will say yes, but whenever issues arise in your marriage, he will remind you that it was you who made him commit to you.

A man should commit himself to a long-term relationship out of his own will. He must value you enough to want to spend the rest of his life with you. Otherwise, if he doesn’t, then he will take you for granted and keep you waiting. What if your man tells you after all this time or say eight years that you are not the one?

He won’t change

Secondly, you seem to have noticed certain things with him that you are concerned about. You mention that he’s not responsible and that you are the one taking care of most of the bills. Is it that he is jobless, or just careless? The problem with many women is that they so often agree to be with a man in spite of his flaws expecting that marriage would change him.

But like many have realised, marriage makes us just more of who we already are. The fact that you are married, the person relaxes as there’s no more wanting to impress you and win you over.
If he cannot change now, he won’t.

So, realise that you cannot change him or make him commit or be responsible. You can only influence him to do so by being your best self without losing yourself or spoiling him in the process. If you do so and there’s no equal effort from his side, then you better think twice, lest you remain stuck in a relationship that is going nowhere.

The writers are marriage and relationship coaches
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