We all have relationships with people of the opposite sex. From our village mates, to people we grew up with, went to college with, work with or even sing in the choir with.

That is normal and okay when one is not married, but once one gets married, it is important for a couple to agree whether these relationships should continue or not. And if they do, how should they be handled?

This is what we call boundaries in relationships, and they need to be set during courtship. In case a situation such as yours arises, you only need to go back to your agreement and see if it has been breached.  

If, for example, the two of you agreed that you would not entertain such relationships, then the fact that it is happening means that you are in breach of your agreement.

There might be nothing going on between you and them, but what if your wife was also going out with her male colleagues or college boyfriends? How would you feel?

We live in a patriarchal society where men are allowed to do such things, but when it comes to women, society is critical.

But we must not forget that our wives may be missing certain things in our relationship that they may seek to get from other men.

She might feel robbed of her time with you as you give the others more attention. 

Value yourself 

There is nothing wrong with questioning a spouse’s relationship with members of the opposite sex, after all we should guard and protect our territories as well as hold each other accountable.

The danger is, if one asks questions and is always locked out, then he/she will shut down and might end up being indifferent.  

Your partner aside, have you asked yourself why it is that you are fighting to keep these relationships at the expense of your marriage?

What is it that you derive from your relationships with these other women that you don’t get from your wife? Why can’t you hang out with your wife? Are you emotionally involved with any of them?

You need to honestly answer these questions. 

The writers are marriage and relationship coaches