Hi Achokis. I have been in a relationship for four months. We met in campus — he was my friend’s boyfriend at the time. They later broke up while we were in fourth year.

My friend was not one to open up about her love life, but at some point, I knew they had issues.

Three years later, we started talking because I needed some things from him for my business and with time, we grew in love.

He told me that he had a child on the way with someone else whom he no longer loved.

I accepted this truth, but recently he told me he feels like breaking up with me because he can’t be the boyfriend I deserve, plus he’s got too many things to take care of.

He worked so hard to make me agree to be in a relationship with him. Why would he all of a sudden develop cold feet? Could it be that he needs to balance all these things?

He says that he doesn’t want to hurt me and that he would be hurt to see me with someone else. What does all this mean? Moraa

Our take

Thank you Moraa for seeking help. Indeed, the situation you are in is confusing.

This guy says he can’t be the boyfriend you deserve, but on the other hand says that he would be hurt to see you with someone else. 

So why would he develop cold feet all of a sudden? You ask. Four months is such a short time in a relationship.

Indeed, the feelings of love are high at the beginning of any relationship and the reality starts sinking in.

So, this guy suddenly realised what other matters he had to deal with and probably that’s when he developed cold feet. Life is all about juggling different balls. 

Have a candid conversation

What are these things that he still needs to balance? Are they too big/serious that they warrant him to stop your relationship so as to deal with it?

What impact do they, or will they have on you and the relationship? Does it mean that when you get married and he has all these things to handle, he will neglect your relationship? 

Sit down with him and have a candid conversation with him regarding your concerns. 

What does he mean by saying that he doesn’t deserve you? Does he know something that you don’t? What about his baby mama? What happened between him and her? 

This man seems to be jumpy; you may need to get in touch with his ex – your friend in campus to find out more about this guy.

What led to their separation? You might get to know something that will protect you from ending up being hurt by him. 

Be sincere with yourself, are you ready to deal with all this stuff? He may just be right, he doesn’t deserve you.

Don’t stress about hurting him, instead ensure that you are the one who is not hurt. – The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]