While it might be clear to most mothers that a house help should never discipline your child, some feel it is appropriate to give them the right to discipline their children, considering that children these days do spend more time with their helpers. 

But while it could look okay for house helps to discipline children, how much is allowed? How much is too much? And when does it become physical abuse?

Mercy Mwangi, a mother of one, says her helper has the right to do everything she wants, provided she doesn’t harm the child.

As an international flight attendant, she hardly ever gets time to monitor her child’s behaviour and that is why she believes that the house help does a great job raising her child on her behalf. 

“I find it okay to have my helper discipline my child because if she doesn’t do it, I don’t think I will be able to, as I am never present,” she says.

On the contrary, Caroline Andeyo, mother of two children aged 16 and eight, believes a parent is the only person allowed to discipline their child. 

“I have always been strictly against the idea. I mean why would I allow you to lay a finger on my child in my absence?

If it was in form of correcting without a whip that is allowed, but beating my child, that is something I would never be comfortable with,” she says.

Although she has a demanding job, which involves hours away from her children, Caroline always makes sure she is up to date with their life, including any form of misbehaviour they would have been involved in.

“Personally, I have a whole guideline for my helper on how to discipline my children.

I have asked her not to shout at them. If she has to discipline them, she will use a stern and serious voice,” she says.

She adds that in case one has done something to hurt their sibling or hurt the helper, then she has to inform her as the parent so that she deals with it in her own way.

In cases where the helper is stressed and needs to get it out, all she has to do is take a walk or talk to either of the parent to step in and handle the situation.

Shadrack Kyove, a psychologist explains that it is okay to let the house help have a little control over your child.

He believes that a lack of discipline will likely affect the conduct and behaviour of a child in a negative way.

“In most cases you might find a child is ill mannered, rude and unruly given the lack of supervision and discipline, just because the helper has been denied an opportunity to correct them,” he says.

However, even with the freedom of disciplining, parents should set boundaries to their helpers.

In this case, helpers should not be allowed to use corporal punishment because the line between that and physical abuse is very thin. 

“Most time helpers are dealing with their own frustrations, or could be coming from a different background you might not have knowledge of.

If for an instance they decided to take it out on your child they might end up hurting them or causing a problem to them because some always do it with no moderation,” he explains.

Kyove says one way of ensuring the helper administers discipline in the right way is by ensuring they are well trained and know how exactly to give verbal warnings and non-physical consequences where necessary, and also carry out positive aspects such as praising good behaviour where necessary. 

He adds that it is important for parents to ensure that they train their helpers to be their surrogate, especially in times when they are not present.

However, Dr Stephen Asatsa Lecturer of psychology at the Catholic University of Eastern Africa, disagrees with handing over disciplinary roles to the helper. 

He says the roles of parenting and disciplining should ultimately be left to the parents alone and not even relatives, not unless they are not present.

“A domestic helper is not a permanent figure in your child’s life, as the role implies she is to help with the child and not take up to the main roles in your children’s life.

Therefore, it is a taboo to allow them to assume your duties, especially in cases when you are not around,” he explains.

He adds that due to societal and cultural differences they might also have different methods of disciplining and what constitutes appropriate or inappropriate.

“But in cases where a parent is constantly away for work and the domestic manager has to step in, then it becomes different, but also training is necessary.

If you have to be constantly away from your child compensate more by getting someone who is qualified and would raise your child in the right ways,” he says.