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Preparing for a wedding is stressful. And when stressed, none of us is at our best. You want everything to be perfect and most brides like to call the shots when it comes to their special day. 

And in the quest to be the centre of attraction, some brides would go to any length. Picture this bride who told her friend not to wear any make-up, not to get her hair done and just wear a simple dress because she didn’t want anyone to outshine her. 

“It would be about me that day and I don’t want anyone to look better than me,” read some parts of the conversation between the friends in some screenshots (pictured) that went viral recently.

Call her a bridezilla. A bridezilla is a generic term used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake.  She firmly believes that the world revolves around her and her day.

Unrealistic demands

Sarah Mutuku had such a friend. The soon-to-be bride approached her with a request to be a bridesmaid during her wedding. However, the friend was so unrealistic. “She picked a dress I couldn’t afford. I wanted to buy a similar dress, something that’s in my budget.

She yelled at me saying I would ruin her wedding and what she had picked was final. When I told her the dress was too expensive for me, she removed me from bridesmaid group and cut contact with me,” she says.

Jackie Ngugi had a similar encounter. “My best friend had all of us arrange for her a bachelorette party and a limo ride to the venue. We all parted with Sh10,000 and we had to buy our own drinks. The dresses were not expensive, but we all had to wear same design. 

What made the issue worse is the fact that she asked two of her bridesmaids to gain weight to look better. It was so shocking, we couldn’t understand that twist,” she explains.

Counselling psychologist, Moryn Mungai, explains that no bride wants her day ruined. “However, I smell low self-esteem for a bride who would tell her friends not to outshine her.

This also shows she could be having trust issues. Probably she feels her groom would take note of other girls in the wedding,” she says.

What matters

For such a bride, Mungai advises that she deals with her personality and her relationship before getting married. 

If you choose someone to be part of your wedding, Mungai says you should accept them with their strengths and weaknesses. “Telling someone to gain or lose weight against their will is unrealistic,” she adds. 

However, when planning takes a toll on you, it’s important to take a break, and try to figure out if that’s what you want. Talk to people involved and understand what they want and are comfortable with, especially the bridesmaids.

“If you feel like the planning is taking over your life, have someone you trust assist you. You can do it in every section of the wedding preparation. The coordination will help you relax and save a lot of trouble.

At the end of the day, the bride should remember that it’s not about the perfect day and everything else, but her and the groom,” Mungai notes.

There are several signs to look out for as a bride that may suggest you are demanding.

You are always angry: If conversations with your bridesmaids, planners and everyone involved in your wedding have turned into shouting matches, you’re on your way to becoming a bridezilla.

Pictures must be perfect: Here we draw the line: Removing someone from the list of bridesmaid because they will appear ‘fat’ or ‘thin’ is too much. Tone it down, try to see others’ flaws as reasons you’ll look all the more radiant on your day.

Service providers puzzle: Your wedding planner quit, the cake designer won’t return your calls and your caterer just sent you a refund. Sure, maybe you’re right—they’re all incompetent—or perhaps you’re being a bit unreasonable. 

Your way or the highway: All brides have specific ideas about their perfect wedding day. And you’re entitled to call the shots—but for practicality’s sake, you are going to have to relinquish that vision a bit.