Hi Achokis.

Christmas has always been a rough moment for my husband and I. We argue over almost everything and things are usually tense.

It has been a hard year, especially with Covid-19 and I’m afraid we are going to have a big fight over these holidays  too.

Instead of being a happy time, it might end up like last year. How can we make it through the pressure of the holidays and for once have a good time? 

Our take

Holiday season can be a happy time for families, but can also be a stressful time if not handled well.

It is meant to be a time of joy, peace and rest, yet we sometimes end up with a lot of unhappiness, turmoil and unrest.

This may be due to a myriad of issues starting with agreeing on where to go for the holidays, what to do, how much to spend and just the fact that life happens even during the holiday period. And this year, Covid-19 has made issues even worse.

So, how can we survive the holidays and enjoy it instead of enduring it? Decide to put your personal differences aside.

Make a list of all things you are grateful for and dwell on these things. Pick out the positive things you see in your husband and celebrate them. 

Let your guard down

Agree in advance where you will go, how much you will spend and what you will do.

This may mean that you go for holidays somewhere out of town and away from your usual stuff, but be keen to observe Covid-19 measures and take care of yourselves.

Just being in a new environment and away from your normal routine can greatly change the dynamics of your relationship.

Purpose to focus on enjoying yourself and so don’t allow any side shows to dampen your mood.  

If you have struggles, things you feel angry about, don’t bring them up at that time.

Don’t initiate discussions around those hot topics. Don’t allow small things to mess your time together.

Don’t let the holiday period be a time of trying to resolve all the issues you have had in the year.

Don’t be uptight about anything, don’t take yourself too seriously. Instead, let your guard down and have lots of laughter as laughter is a good medicine. 

Share the chores  

Not going away may be tough on you, especially considering all the housework you may need to do as this is also the time when we give our househelps leave.

If you are not careful, this may tire you and thus make your irritable to your husband. 

So what can you do? Plan to have simple meals or eat out once in a while so that you also have time to relax.

Involve your husband and children, let this be the time daddy showcases his culinary skills and the children step up in doing household chores.

Let the cooking and cleaning be a shared activity where you all participate and enjoy.   The writers are marriage and relationship coaches,  [email protected]