Women are socialised to view sex appeal as the main goal of being a grown-up. You will often find teens and young women competing for the attention of a man as this is supposed to validate their attractiveness and their sexual appeal.

While winning such a man may come with a euphoric high from feeling highly desirable, it is a largely temporary set-up as sex appeal should be something innate and unaffected by outward forces such as what others are dressed in or what others think of you. 

A quick drop-in into popular night clubs and you will see women dressed in barely anything out reveling in their gorgeous young bodies.

No harm in that. In fact, I applaud women who dress to feel good and not for the male gaze. Unfortunately, most women nowadays are in the performative fashion stage.

This is where you dress not to feel good, not to boost your self-confidence for the day, but with the sole aim of breaking necks, hogging attention and bagging a man. No judgement here, we are in the 21^st century after all.

But this article is not about dressing and how it shapes men’s view of you. This piece is about sex and sentiment. All I am trying to do here is show how insidious sex is such that it controls even what we wear on a normal day.

Because women have been taught to prioritise sex appeal, they automatically think that sex is a much more powerful arsenal than it really is.

Women automatically attach sentiment to sex. They automatically get attached to men after a few romps. Men on the other hand can get it hard for someone they absolutely loathe.

When men say they love their wives despite cheating on them, it is actually true no matter how paradoxical it seems. They do not invest sentiment in the 60 second activity. It is all about sex and pleasure. 

While women get emotionally invested after sex, men simply get post-nut clarity and automatically move on. Or make a conscious decision to have sex on the side while going back home to their wife and children to fulfill their need to be sentimental.

With such divergent views, it is no wonder that most relationships nowadays do not work out or that they end in violent fits as the people involved have no way to navigate their feelings.

It is not until women divorce sex form sentiment that they will be able to clearly navigate the barren Kenyan relationship landscape and ably choose a man based on his other skills and not just his sex game or sentimental value.