Hi Achokis. I am 21 years old. I went home for December holidays and everything was fine until one of my nieces came.

She is my cousin’s daughter. So everyone was around and she kept staring at me until I had this weird feeling that I couldn’t understand.

I kept wondering why she would follow me everywhere and stopped at nothing just to hang around me.

She would also borrow my phone a lot and took pictures with it. The problem is that one day, I saw her talking with a guy and I really felt bad.

I have developed feelings for her. She’s only 18 and in Form Three. What do I do, please help me!

Our take

Thank you for your question and Happy New Year. You mention that your holiday was interrupted by the arrival of your niece who couldn’t stop staring at you. It does happen that sometimes relatives are attracted to each other.

A mother may get attracted to her long lost son and a father gets attracted to adopted daughter.

Some uncles also get attracted to their nieces and vise-versa and these cases sometimes escalate to incest.

A sensitive matter  

Your niece might be physically attracted to you. Hormones are at play here and the individual cares less about the consequences, es pecially at her age. It is, therefore, up to you the mature person to help ease this situation by not allowing that attraction to grow.

You could suggest to one of your mature sisters to informally talk to her, helping her understand her feelings. Please do so without accusing her or making her look bad.

This is a sensitive matter and should be handled carefully so that the young lady is not hurt in the process. 

Her speaking to that guy might have been a jealousy trick to make you feel bad and pursue her.

On the flip side, ask yourself why you felt bad when she was talking to another man. Are you also attracted to her?

If you are, then that’s dangerous. Feelings of attraction are normal, but what we do with that attraction is what really matters. 

Way forward

So, if you are attracted to her, first and foremost acknowledge that is what it is. Don’t try to suppress or deny it.

Once you acknowledge and are aware of it, ensure that you spend as little time as possible with her.

Distract yourself with things that interest you. Immerse yourself in your hobbies, socialising with other people, doing some work or playing some sports. The latter is good as it also helps you release some energy. 

You can also talk to someone you trust who is mature enough and understands.

As long as it remains a secret, it has the potential to destroy you and your family.

The fact that another person knows about it and they are holding you accountable helps prevent you from allowing your emotions to carry you away.  The writers are marriage and relationship coaches — [email protected]