Hi Achokis.

My husband and I have been married for seven years and have two children aged five and three years.

We have had a high turnover of house managers, but two years ago, we finally managed to get one who is good with the children.

My only concern is I have noticed that my husband is getting too close with her.

He refers most of the things to her instead of me. When I question him, he says I’m insecure and should treat her as family. 

When I’m not available, they go out together with the children, for example, for swimming and shopping.

I trust my husband, but I feel like I’m being replaced. What should I do?

Our take

This is a tricky situation because on one hand, you know what is happening has a potential to destroy your marriage and on the other, a husband who sees it as a sign of insecurity. 

From our experience, dealing with many men who cheated on their wives, it is apparent the wife had at one point noticed something that the man was oblivious of and that’s what brought him down.

Guys often think they are in control, they think they can manage the situation only to later find that the situation is managing them.

Guys also tend to ignore those warning signs from their spouse not realising that they have a blind side, which you as a wife can see.

So instead of tapping on that help, they shun it thinking that you are insecure. 

Be wise

How you bring it up with your hubby is important. Don’t insinuate anything, don’t insist that you know what is happening.

This will make him react badly to you because of feeling exposed. Instead, make an observation and let him know what you feel about it.

If that doesn’t work, know that you may not be the right person to bring it up with him.

This is due to his perception, that you are insecure, and because of familiarity, which so often breeds contempt in marriage. 

In this case, seek a neutral party, someone close to him and who will approach him in a friendly and not condemning way.

You could even indirectly bring up the topic with this close friend of his by making it look like a story of another person.

There, he will get to hear the comments made in that neutral situation and with that neutral person and hopefully, see what you have been trying to show him all along. 

Have bae time

Try to be more present at home so that whenever he has to take the children out, you would be available.

Kindly request him to deal with you and not with the house manager directly.

Go out of your way to spend more time with him and do things that bring you closer together.- The writers are marriage and relationship coaches,  [email protected]