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Hi Achokis. I have been in a relationship for the last five years and my man has never taken me home to introduce me to his parents.

But last December holidays, he surprised me by taking me upcountry to see his folks. We had a nice time together.

I’m excited that this finally happened, but I’m also trying not to be too excited because I’m not sure if he will finally agree for us to get married this year. My question is, is this a sign that he is now ready to commit?

Our take

Thank you for your question. It is good that your guy finally took you home to meet his parents. This could be an indicator that he is now thinking of taking the relationship to the next level.

Some men are careful who they introduce to their parents. So, until they are pretty sure that this is the person they want to marry, they won’t take them home to meet their parents.

Final stamp?

Men are particularly curious to know what their mum and sisters particularly think of their catch.

And so he may also have taken you to seek that final stamp of approval, kukaguliwa, before committing himself.

Depending on what feedback he gets, he may decide to take the relationship to the next level or not.

There are also some men who because of pressure from their parents, especially from mum, may just decide to take their girlfriend home to ease that pressure.

Sad as it may sound, this then is just for their own ego and has nothing to do with your being wife material. So don’t be too excited yet. 

Or just a wishful thought

There can be many trips home, but if he has not asked you to marry him, then it only remains a wishful thought. 

After five years of being together, there should be other signs that will show you whether or not he is ready to commit.

For example, why has he not done so by now? What excuses or reasons has he been giving you as to why he cannot take the relationship to the next level?

Did he take you to shags because you have been pestering him about it or it was out of his own volition?

These questions can only be answered by you having a candid conversation with him. It has been five years, are you ready to wait another year?

On the flipside, what has made you stay this long in the relationship?  Are you already living together so there is no hurry to settle down?  Has he also met your people?

Don’t push, but you need to define the relationship so that you are not operating in the space of uncertainty. Sometimes, men need a little nudge to make them move to the next level. 

You see, it is your life, so take charge of it and don’t let someone else take control of your future. The writers are marriage and relationship coaches, [email protected]