While growing up, it was unforgivable for children to interfere or even utter a word when their parents were fighting either verbally or physically.

It was taboo for a child to come anywhere near the arguing parents, no matter who was in the wrong and such a mistake would not only land one in trouble, but would unite the warring parties, who would then turn against the child and give them a thorough beating.

Also, it was a near curse for a child to disrespect any parent, no matter the shortcomings. Children were expected to “close their eyes and ears” and let the parents be.

But a recent video clip posted on social media shows times have changed and it’s no longer taboo to argue or come between during conflicts among parents. The video shows American children of Ugandan origin having ganged up and confronted their father over infidelity claims. The confrontation was being streamed live on social media by one of the daughters while using some unprintable utterances.

The daughters seized their father’s phone and read out his text messages with the other woman he was allegedly seeing. One daughter questioned her father on how he felt humiliating their mother by being unfaithful to on her with another woman

“Don’t act like you don’t know, you are disgusting and dad you f*** up!” One daughter kept shouting while the other was reading out the messages.

As the children took turns in insulting their father, the man of the house sat silently, unbothered, as he slowly sipped what appeared to be tea or coffee while his wife watched silently, maybe too shocked by her husband’s behaviour to even afford to stop the children from insulting their father.

The video brought up a vicious debate on whether children have any right to interfere with their parents’ problems and if confronting and insulting their father was the appropriate action to take.

Majority of netizens, especially from African communities, viewed these actions as unAfrican and disrespectful to the father.

Erosion of Africanism

Anthony Mwangi, popularly known as Pastor T, says the video was a clear depiction of erosion of African culture, which emphasised respecting parents no matter their shortcomings or challenges.

Pastor T says not only the African culture demands respect for parents as the Bible lists the commandment of children obeying their parents as the only commandment with a blessing. 

“The Bible does not say we should not obey a parent because he is drunk or she does not provide. It orders children to obey the parent no matter who they are,” he says.

He further says there are respectable ways of children to air their opinions when it comes to parental conflicts, which does not involve insults and washing dirty linen in public.

“It was within their means to confront the father for cheating and disrespecting their mother. But it was not their place to record and air the confrontation on social media. The father remains their parent and he is the voice of authority in that family despite his shortcomings,” he notes.

Pastor T says the reason interference in the parental arguments or even talking back to a parent was unheard of during the old times was due to the emphasis on consequences that someone was likely to face if they went against the taboo.

He says children were made to understand that they were likely to be cursed if they disrespected their parents in any way, a belief that put children in check at all times.

Children now have rights

Marriage counsellor doctor Michael Mbiriri says there are various reasons that have contributed to the disrespecting of parents in Africa.

He says contemporary society has allowed children to have opinions even in matters that only concern the parents.

He says this has been highly contributed by the fact that there are no longer boundaries between children and their parents, which gives room for a lot of permissiveness.

“Most parents want to be friends with their children and it is not wrong. But there should be boundaries, which children should not cross and they should be aware such as disrespecting one parent or disgracing them in public. Children should know there are consequences of doing so,” he says.

Mbiriri notes Westernisation has also eroded our African culture, which was strict and had an outline on the importance of respecting each person.

He adds, “During our time, a child could not sit while an older person was seated because it was disrespectful. But that is no longer the case. Nowadays, children lack the moral respect for the older people in our society and that is why they can insult their parents,”

The counsellor also says the Western culture majorly advocates for human rights and rarely on morals.

Also, according to Mbiriri, social media and modernisation such as movies have also influenced children to challenge their parents.

“The education system has also emphasised on children having their rights. Previously, children were there to be seen, but currently, they have the right to be seen and heard. Some of them misuse this privilege,” he notes.

The doctor says urbanisation has also contributed highly to moral decay. He notes children in rural areas are likely to hold on to the traditional morals while children in the cities are most likely to challenge their parents.

The marriage counsellor advises parents to consider bringing back the parental boundaries though they should not bring up their children with an “iron fist “like the 90s parents.

On his side, Pastor T says even the Bible puts respect as a two-way street and, therefore, children should steer away from their parent’s conflicts while parents should not provoke their children into disrespecting them.