Chanting “Gunpowder! Junta Power! And carrying placards with similar messages, crowds marched in cities across the continent to celebrate what they said was the restoration of Africa’s authentic brand of democracy.

The jubilant citizens said after decades of living under the yoke of Western ideologies, the continent had finally rediscovered its roots.

“The wind of gunpowder is blowing across Africa and no one can stop it. It is an idea whose time has come!” yelled a demonstrator in a West African city.

He said Africans had at last taken back their continent and brought back its home-grown democracy.
Western meddling, he regretted, had relegated the cherished political traditions into the periphery, but, thanks to brave souls in the Sahel, they were being restored, one country at a time.

“For years, regal military uniforms had disappeared from Africa’s State Houses and had been sadly replaced by sissy Western suits. But, thank God, they are coming back big time,” said the demonstrator.

He predicted that African Union summits will soon be a sight to behold, with proud leaders resplendent in military attire and dazzling medals and ribbons swaggering about the Addis Ababa address where they meet for the annual tête-à-tête.

Impeachable sources say after experimenting with the Western brand of democracy which was largely forces down their throats in the 1990s, African nations had found it too messy and costly.

“Ballot boxes don’t come a dime a dozen. Then there is the printing of ballot papers, the electoral commissions, campaign funds and Supreme Courts…Africa cannot afford such luxuries when we still do not have enough guns and ammunitions,” the source explained.

He said Africa should instead go for a pocket-friendly system that is proportionate to the continent’s scanty resources and reflects its proud roots.

“It doesn’t cost much for the head of the military or the presidential guard commander to put in place a quick regime change plan after every few years or months. If well planned, it can only cost a few insignificant lives and limbs,” he explained.

The impeachable source said African countries can choose to embrace this brand of African democracy that is making a big comeback in the Sahel or continue to be enslaved by expensive elections.

“Africa must break away from the oppressive prison of the ballot box and enter the land of the brave and the free!” he proclaimed.

But the source said that even as Africa discards Western democracy, it would be wise to retain the good aspects of American and European life.

“Africa will still need the best weapons that can only be bought from the West. To safeguard our brand of democracy, our armories must be up there with the best of them,” he observed.

He added: “Our military leaders must also still have access to Western capitals where they can buy golden time pieces and acquire villas.”  

Meanwhile, following the military coup in Niger, Ecowas and the African Union have threatened to do what they did in Mali, Chad, Burkina Faso and Guinea.

According to impeachable sources, they are seriously considering wringing their hands in pathetic helplessness.