It is common knowledge our county desperately needs my leadership. Who am I then to deny my people what they want? There are, however, some misguided ones bent on subverting the supreme will of the people. 

Top on the list is one Johnny come lately aspirant calling herself Lady Super. Before this spoiler appeared in the scene, I was to get a direct ticket to vie for the gubernatorial seat in our county. 

Kige himself, founder of the Chameleon party, had given me the assurance, only for him to change his mind—a real turn coat, this man!  I will now vie for the seat as an independent candidate; to hell with the Chameleon party!

As if she had not hurt me enough, Lady Super had the temerity to invite me to the launch of her gubernatorial campaigns. This was a resounding thwack on my face. I immediately gave her a call to express my dismay at her move. 

“Bwana Gwinso, I have always known you to be a democrat. Let the people themselves decide,” she said. The sarcasm did not escape me, and I could not conceal my disgust. I gave her my piece of mind in a not-so-friendly way. Unable to take my ranting any longer, her calmness vamoosed. “Gwinso, kwani hiyo kiti ni ya mama yako?” she blurted out and hang up on me. She had declared war, and I was not going to take it lying down.

I consulted my side kick Mokonyonyo Spoiler aka Moks. This was one guy I rely on to give advice on how to deal with adversaries. 

“Gwinso, do not allow her to overshadow you,” breathed my handler.

“So what do I do?” I asked.

“Simple. We shall simply disrupt the event!”

“But it will be obvious I am the one behind it all.” 

“No. You will also attend the function and then both of you will appear victims of the chaos,” said Moks, an impish smile dancing on his lips. 

This suggestion cleared all my misgivings and emboldened me. Yes, Lady Super must not be allowed to launch her campaigns uninterrupted. Moks then linked me to a fellow called Bukalos whose skills in organising heckling mobs is legendary. 

“Which service do you want?” asked Bukalos when I met him in person. This kind of business was too risky to be transacted on phone.

“Which ones do you have?”

“Kelele service and Zima kabisa service. Kelele is making noise to ensure speakers are not heard, while Zima is totally disrupting the event. Of course you pay slightly more for this one because of the risks involved.” Obviously, I chose the Maliza package, and after some bargaining, we settled on a fee.  

We agreed the mob would arrive to disrupt the meeting just as Lady Super started speaking. I would pay for the service after the event.

The wannabe governor sounded excited when I called to informed her of my change of mind—I would now attend her launch. She promised to reserve a front seat for me. 

True to her word, during the launch day, my seat was next to hers at the dais. We chatted like good old friends as we watched the crowd grow bigger. 

As soon as the meeting began, I felt a little tensed up. The thought of Bukalos and his group descending on us was a little frightening.  However, I had already surveyed my surroundings and planned my escape route. 

At last the aspirant stood up to speak, and I heard chants in the background. I knew it was the moment of truth. The chants became louder and louder. Curiously, Lady Super was not moved. He continued speaking as if nothing was happening. Soon, the mob stormed the venue, and believe it or not, they were chanting slogans in praise of the Lady Super!

“Ok, I hear you. Thank you,” he said above the noise. I watched in disbelief as Bukalos and his group cheered every sentence that dropped from the lady’s lips. 

“Even MCA Gwinso here has decided to give up his bid and support me, makofi kwake!” she yelled, to my utter shock. I had a mind to walk out, but realised this would cause unnecessary commotion. So I sat there and endured it all.

After the event, I approached Bukalos and asked him what had happened.

“Sorry, Gwinso, sorry but I forgot to tell you. Lady Super offered us a better package.” 

Ndio kulienda.

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