One cannot sufficiently prepare for trauma as it is both unpredictable in scale and timing. Basically, trauma is described as an emotionally stressful occurrence that happens to a person causing emotional distress.

With such an explanation, it is clear that more than half of Kenya has undergone trauma judging by the numerous comments Kenyans on social media posts.

Trauma is everywhere. Being left abruptly after being love-bombed, being sexually assaulted, being cut off by family, being laid off due to Covid-19, or being affected by a natural disaster such as drought or locusts can all cause trauma.

It can manifest in numerous ways such as sleeplessness, hyperarousal where someone is super vigilant and alert, exhaustion, extreme sadness, and somatic symptoms such as loss of taste and loss of hearing.

Since trauma is inevitable, the pertinent question is, therefore, what one can do to deal with it. “It is important to heal from trauma.

While many people think healing from trauma means that the past no longer has a hold on them, recovery for a person means they will be able to live in the present without feeling overwhelmed by the thoughts and the feelings of the past experiences.

Healing from trauma can look like feeling as bad and as keenly as when the event happened, but having coping mechanisms to feel it, and do the right thing rather than be self-destructive,” Jackline Gathu a leading psychologist in the country shares.

She shares how the feeling of emotional overwhelm is the same as that of a shaken bottle of soda, inside the bottle is a tremendous amount of pressure.

The safest way to release the pressure is to open and close the bottle in a slow cautious and intentional manner, so as to prevent an explosion.

As a therapist and friend, you want to create safety by talking about it in small doses, so that this person can get rid of the tension, and feel secure and safe again. Exposure therapy can, therefore, help a person deal with trauma.

Jackline notes that when people go through trauma, they either become numb or overwhelmed by emotion. This means that someone who was an extrovert can easily become an introvert as they try to minimise relationships, so they can feel safe again.

People can deal with overwhelming feelings through excessive use of drugs substances or unhealthy behaviour such as risky sex as they try not to feel. Those who are emotionally numb can indulge in similarly risky behaviour as they try to feel again.

Unwarranted projection

Jackline explains that emotional regulation can be taught in order to help a client deal with trauma positively. Emotional regulation is when someone is taught how to positively deal with emotions.

“Emotional regulations mean allowing yourself to feel the emotion while being fully in control. It can be learned over time. To begin with, simple breathing techniques such as taking five deep breaths in from the belly and five slow breaths out can help recentre you if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Journaling about your feelings can help you find triggers that cause emotional overwhelm. Mindfulness exercises such as naming five things that you can see, hear, taste, touch and smell can reground you. Going for a walk, listening to music you like can help recentre you as well,” Jackline shares.

As a friend to someone who has undergone trauma, the best you can do is just be there. Jackline says that though you might not be equipped to process the trauma, being there and providing a non-judgmental environment is enough. Letting the person who was traumatised know that their feelings are not bonkers and allowing them to share their experience as much as they need to can help them find relief. 

“Trauma causes unwarranted projection and outbursts targeted at those closest to them at times. Most of the time the outbursts are the trauma victim’s way of trying to process their world. The outbursts may even comfort them.

As a friend, you should be bold enough to go through it, understand their point of view and back them up without trying to defend yourself or give your point of view. You can give your view later when they are calm and as they heal.

Giving feedback earlier or even giving unhelpful advice such as telling them that they should have healed as a certain amount of time has passed can retrigger them and derail healing,” she advises.

Expressive therapy

Jackline, however, cautions people to know their limits as a supportive friend can only do so much. If it gets overwhelming, you can suggest therapy to the friend in order to help them heal faster and in a more professional and cathartic way.

Most importantly, one should watch the traumatised friend as symptoms of trauma that they may not personally be aware of can manifest, and the friend might be in a better position to spot that and recommend therapy where the therapist or psychologist can recommend expressive therapy, medication or a combination thereof.

 To the question of whether someone can mentally prepare for traumatic events, Jackline’s simple answer is no.

“One cannot ever be sufficiently prepared for trauma. The only thing one can do is be self-aware and have their emotional regulation techniques at hand to help them weather trauma.

Practising mindfulness as a lifestyle can give someone the fortitude needed to successfully survive trauma,” she says in conclusion.