Don’t worry, be happy… American musician Bobby McFerrin sang more than three decades ago. However, to force a positive outlook on pain and pretending to be okay even when it’s not okay, experts warn, can cause mental anguish and can do more harm than good, especially during this Covid-19 pandemic.

Sandra Wekesa @awekesa_sandra

At a time when Covid-19 continues to rage, staying positive seems reassuring.

Lately, we have encountered all forms of positivity from the internet with trends such as ‘good vibes only,’ ‘feel good’ and’ team positivity,’ helping people to block negative energy and be thankful even when their lives seem to be hitting rock bottom. 

“Emotional avoidance (where one prevents the occurrence of an uncomfortable emotion such as fear, sadness, or shame) is normal considering the kind of struggles that people are going through in this day and age.

While I want to applaud the masses for mastering the art of blocking out these negative emotions, it is not the best way to cope.

Toxic positivity stems from the idea that the best or only way to cope with a bad situation is to stay positive and not dwell on the negative,” explains Penninah Wanda, an education practitioner, and lifestyle bloger at Wandas world. 

Sharon Mukami, shares how she has had to mask her emotions by posting words of affirmation and positivity on her social media handles, yet emotionally she has been going through a rough patch.

Suppressing emotions is unhealthy

“I recently lost my father and this was the hardest thing that I had to go through during the pandemic.

He had first fallen sick and even before I had digested the news, he succumbed to the illness.

Though I was mourning, I didn’t want to appear weak as soon as the funeral was over,” she recalls.

She explains how her friends insisted on her to be a strong girl, yet she was crashing inside. 

Just like Sharon, so many people are resorting to suppressing their emotions and moving on with an optimistic attitude.

Many have suffered hardship, anxiety and low mood during the pandemic, but have forced themselves, or been pushed or urged by someone else to swallow those feelings and to count themselves ‘lucky’ to be alive. “Everything will be fine.”

“It could be worse.” “Look on the bright side.” You get a pay cut, and someone tell you should be thankful you still have a job, without considering the struggle you have to go through to deliver your work at half pay. 

Wanda says that positive thinking allows you to navigate the difficult situation and approach it from a positive direction. But just as anything done in excess is bad, so is positivity.

“Toxic positivity demands that you should not feel inadequate or allow negative thoughts and emotions to affect you in any way; this is more like suppressing your feelings,” Wanda explains.

It is the assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset.

However, it is okay not to be okay. “I would also like to caution on the dangers that toxic positivity or emotional avoidance could have on your mental health,” Wanda adds. 

More stress

Research has shown that accepting negative emotions, rather than avoiding or dismissing them, may actually be more beneficial for a person’s mental health in the long run.

Several psychological studies show that hiding or denying feelings leads to more stress on the body and/or increased difficulty avoiding the distressing thoughts and feelings.

Wanda explains that our emotions affect our health in that if we focus only on the positive and shun anything negative, what will happen when the positive is overwhelmed?

“Probable effects are mental breakdowns, emotional distress, low self-esteem and in some cases, anxiety, “ she says. 

To her, while working through the struggles of toxic positivity, one should invest in friends who won’t just give you positive vibes, but also help you navigate the moment by being real.

“They may help you look at your challenges from a different point of view. You could also allow yourself to feel these emotions; whether grief, anger, sadness, shame or guilt.

This allow us to be aware of the mental state that we are in, not wallow, but just feel and eventually heal from them,” she says. 

On his part, Raymond Mwaura, a psychologist, says we live in sunshine and roses, stay positive kind of society. This comes in the way of people going through the worst things even before they are able to process it.

He adds that instead of rushing to look at the boissful light at the end of the tunnel, it is important to sit down and digest what is going on in your life. “It is amazing to have fast ways of dealing with emotions be it sadness, fear, disgust and anger.

But while it could be easier to deal with them this way, it is important to remember that this kind of instant gratification could be good for you, but it isn’t healthy for your mental state,” he says.