While Christmas and the New Year are marked by people gathering in large groups of people, be it friends or family, there are people who will spend the festive period alone.

There are fathers who choose to spend the holidays in the city working while they send their families on holiday or upcountry. 

Others choose to spend the time alone in their apartments rather than go out and join the festivities probably due to financial constraints.

Others are in the diaspora working hard to make ends meet and may therefore, not be able to come home for the holidays.

Whatever the reason, it is important to know how to navigate the holiday season whether alone at home, or whether one is feeling alone in a crowd.

Alone in a crowd

According to Ken Munyua, a leading counselling therapist in the country, one can feel isolated while in a crowd due to a variety of reasons.

One of the main reasons is showing up to events just for the sake of it without being present.

“Loneliness can creep up on you anywhere, even in a family gathering or among friends while toasting to the good life.

This happens when someone’s thoughts alienate them from their surroundings.

One might feel like they do not fit in or belong when they compare themselves and they do not measure up.

One might feel alone for instance while watching their cousin’s baby being celebrated, especially if they want a child and they cannot have in.

Feelings of seclusion and loneliness can creep in then and make the person feel like an outsider,” Ken shares.. 

He adds, “To overcome such feelings, remember why you attended the event in the first place.

Was it to catch up with your cousins and family and have a good time? Stick to that reason, and steep in every moment. Taste the nyama choma, really taste it.

Savour the tea, listen to the conversations around you. Be present and the feeling of being alone in a crowd should dissipate.

Most importantly, do not show up to events or gatherings just for the sake of it or for peer pressure.

Social fatigue, where you feel de-energised in a crowd is real and can intensify the feelings of loneliness.”

He reiterates the importance of being in touch with your feelings. He explains that if you were feeling lonely while alone in the house, going out to a party may not fix that feeling.

The trick is to get to the root of the loneliness, then fix it. Does the feeling stem from unfulfilled social relationships?

How can you make them more meaningful? Does the feeling stem from viewing yourself as a failure due to failures in other spheres of your life such as health, finances or career?

Figure out a way that you can fix your social life such that it is not affected by career, health and financial upheavals.

With a strong identity and sense of self, one can be able to be alone and not feel lonely.

John Mwaniki, not his real name, who will be spending the holidays alone shares the importance of being comfortable with spending time alone and bucking the popular trend of celebrating and visiting loved ones only during the December holidays.

He shares that he loves how the streets are deserted over the Christmas holidays and how there is no traffic in the city during the festive season.

He therefore uses the festive period to catch up with work and workout and instead takes a break from Nairobi for a quick visit with the family in the first week of December.

John who is in his 30s shares that he is only comfortable now as he has done a lot of self-work to heal the need to be constantly surrounded by people, which was a mainstay of his early 20s.

Life fulfillment

Ken posits that being self-aware enough to recognise what the need for company fulfills in your life is an important part to ensuring you live life on your own terms.

He encourages people to be self-aware enough in order not to use company to mask other needs such as the need for constant affirmation and external validation.

For those spending the holidays alone this might be  time for some introspection, and some much needed rest and relaxation.

“If spending the holidays alone in the city, take time to relax. Sleep, go for a walk, workout, watch your favourite series, meditate, plan for the coming year, evaluate the past year.

Use the time alone productively. Re-energise and touch base with your social circle either by phone or virtually. Visit the nearby children’s home or engage in other charitable deeds.

Come up with a gratitude list for the year. The trick is to spend the time enjoying yourself rather than feeling sorry for yourself.

Even when alone, there is still plenty to be grateful for,” Ken says in conclusion.