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Douglas Mutoka Lipuku has never been afraid of responsibilities of fatherhood. He shares how he assumed the role of a parent to his siblings when his dad passed on, and how he cares for his five children now that his wife works in a different town.

“I remember the many days I cooked, bathed and even washed clothes for my younger sisters and brothers as our mother went out to work in people’s farms to fend for us,” begins Douglas Mutoka Lipuku.

His dad passed on in 1992 when Lipuku was just nine years old. 

“I am the second born in the family, but the ‘first born’ son of my mother’s eight children (four sons and four daughters). I was born and bred in a typical polygamous family.

So I had to take the role of assistant parent as mum struggled to make ends meet,” Lipuku shares. 

Things got worse when his mother sank into alcoholism and depression until 2007 when she got born again. Her good health helped ease his burden somehow. 

Lipuku didn’t know that taking care of his siblings was preparing him for his future role of nurturing his own children.

At the age of 17, Lipuku became a father. He says he married early to help him man-up early in his life.

“When I got my first born in January 2001, I had dropped out of secondary school because of lack of school fees. I used to work on people’s farms and did odd jobs to support my siblings and my baby.

In 2002, I registered for my Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education exam as a private candidate.

After my final exams, I hustled for casual jobs in various parts of the country such as Lodwar and Mombasa.

After I saved enough, I went back to college to pursue journalism,” says Lipuku, who now lives in Kisumu where he works as a tutor in a private middle-level college.

Apart from teaching, he also runs small-scale businesses that keeps the family going.

Lipuku who will be turning 38 in August this year has four daughters and one son, the eldest Mary-Jane Ayoti Mutoka is 20 years old and in college while the youngest Sasha Mayabi Mutoka is six years old.

One of the memorable moments of his fatherhood journey was when his wife got a job in a different town in 2016. Lipuku was left with the children; the youngest was only six months old then.

Daddy, the house manager

“I honestly do not know what I was thinking that evening when I told my wife that I would never allow our children to be an obstacle in her career after she told me that she had gotten a job in a different town.

I told her  that I would take care of the children. She was, especially concerned about the youngest who was only six months,” he shares.

When she left, the first few days Lipuku took the baby to a day care. But he became uncomfortable when the child started crying every time he dropped and picked her.

He decided to tag her along at his work place for his peace of mind. He carried her to work until she turned two when he took her to school.

 “When the elder children left for school, I bathed Sasha and left with her for work.

As I taught my classes, she was sitting on my table or on the floor playing with stuff,” he says of the the first day he took her to work.

When he came back home in the evening, he prepared dinner for the family.  

“Then I boiled milk, water and uji for Sasha and put them near our bed so that I would feed her whenever she woke up hungry in the middle of the night,” he recalls.  Lipuku never considered employing a house help. 

“I have phobia for house helps and I wouldn’t have been comfortable with one in my house. Neighbours didn’t know the arrangements I had with my wife because it was a family affair.

Bringing a house help in my house and a woman for that matter would have resulted into gossip, which would bring me down or deviate my attention from giving the best to my children,” he explains..

Another challenging moment was when his third born daughter, Idah Amunga, started her periods. 

“She hadn’t had the talk with her mother. I had to step in and teach her not only about menstruation, but also how to take care of herself during that time of the month,” he adds.

Once when he was out with his firstborn daughter, they had to confront a stranger who thought Lipuku was her boyfriend! 

Likupu prefer living with his children so that he can passionately and closely monitor their growth and development even in their academics.

“I love my children so much and it has never ever been a challenge for me to look after them.

It’s my daily routine to knock on their bedroom door every day early mornings and wake them up for school just like I enjoy each one of them telling me ‘goodnight dad’ when they are going to bed. It’s enjoyable,” he narrates.

For Lipuku, the pride one feels to be a father is the zeal that drives him every other day.

“That feeling of being there to watch your children grow from childhood to adulthood is just amazing.

When people around me: friends and even relatives, congratulate me for doing well to make sure my children are not only in good health and shape, but are also well behaved, it gives me the drive to continue being their father until I breathe my last.

When the children themselves appreciate my little efforts to make them who they are despite all the challenges we go through, it motivates me even further to be an outstanding father,” he says

The fatherhood experience is one of the best and one of the things he enjoys in his life.

“I love sitting around my children talking about issues that affects all of us as a family.

I love cooking for them and I love being the one to make sure they grow up into responsible people of this society,” he adds.

Covid-19 concerns

When the first case of Covid-19 was announced in Kenya, Lipuku says for once, he was scared, especially when President Uhuru Kenyatta announced measures to curb the virus such as school closure, curfews and lockdown.

“I was not scared because I would lose my job or even my source of income, but I was scared at the thought of not making it through the pandemic and how my children would cope and live if am not around, or if I lost one of them.

As a father and parent, I had to come up with some measures to protect them. I told them to stop going out to play or have their friends come over to our house or even the compound.

In most days, we all remained glued on our TV for Covid-19 updates, which actually helped us gain a lot of information about the disease and how to protect ourselves,” he says.

Lipuku adds: “We remained indoors; especially if we had nothing to do that needed us to step out of the house.

We depended largely on our savings because both my wife and I were not at work and this meant there was no salary coming in.

Colleges and schools had been closed, which meant that many of us who work in the private sector would go without a salary.

Despite that, life had to continue and we thank God we overcame all these challenges as a family.”

His Father’s Day message to all fathers is: “Let us build the society we all want. Fathers can heal this society from all the atrocities people are witnessing today.

We can all start by being caring and loving fathers to our children no matter their gender. We can make that change that we really want.”