Sandra Wekesa @wekesa_sandra

E-mail, instant messaging, web cam, chat rooms, zoom calls, and every other technology has been a choice for all those looking for cyber pleasure.

Now more than ever, people are looking into it as a way of dating, or getting into relationships, as opposed to the tradition way of meeting, face to face.

Jean Mwangi, who has been in a virtual relationship with her partner, whom she met five years ago, says virtual intimacy is the best decision she made, especially since they are in  a long-distance relationship.

“We met through a mutual friend in the US, and I was fascinated by how he behaved and his personality.

Before we knew it, we were in a relationship. At first it seemed like a game, but soon enough he got serious about it, and that is when we started visiting each other,” she says, adding that it took adjusting to the virtual intimacy at first.

Exclusive singles club

“This is less stressful because all you have to do is be virtually available. Although my job is demanding, I have tried as hard as I can to be available for our dates,” she says.

She describes their  dates as wonderful.

“I have to dress up like it is an actual date, and be on time. We then have dinner, and catch up with each other’s lives. We also make sure we take time to discuss our personal lives,” she says.

Surprisingly, Kenyans have accepted virtual intimacy and are open to trying it. According to Ian Isherwood, founder of DateMe Kenya (a dating plaform), virtual intimacy has become more popular recently.

He says now more than ever people are more open about meeting their spouse online, establishing a relationship and dating online. 

“If you were to ask me if people were not open to virtual meeting four years ago, I would have said yes, but we’re changing that.

We do everything online, so it makes sense we would also meet new friends, romances, and life partners,” he says.  At the moment the site has over 50,000 registered Kenyans. 

“Anyone can register, but only a handful is approved, giving them exclusive access to the private site where all the other active members are.

It’s kind of like a private, members only club for fun, serious singles looking for meaningful relationships,” he says. They also have stringent measures of dealing with cons.

“We have had a couple of incidences, but we have always caught them before they get close to the live site with active members. Don’t forget we manually approve all new photos and profiles.

We also empower users and make sure they can report anything they feel uncomfortable with on the site.

Photos, messages etc all they have to do is click a report and we investigate the issue,” he says. 

Steven Asatsa, a psychologist at Catholic University says, the genesis of virtual intimacy was mostly spiralled by the pandemic. 

“People were quarantining and social distancing, making virtual intimacy a craze they could enjoy,” he says.

To him, this was easier for university students, single parents, and people with limited time that felt the need to reconnect with people.

It was also suitable , for people who had embraced technology as the new form of socialising.

The Catholic University don adds that virtual intimacy provides a good option to people who think they are not sexually desirable because of their physical appearance. 

Extra level

“While this form of sex, is a solo act, it has encouraged communication among partners because people are now open to being open with each other and are going an extra mile to tell each other about their day to day activities,” he says.

Just like any other form of human interaction, sexual interaction is slowly evolving and people are becoming more aware of themselves.

In as much as it could have some downfalls, it is important to note that people communicate their sexual desires quite freely via virtual sex as opposed to real time connection.

“The fact that virtual reality adds an extra level of things means that soon enough people won’t see the need of meeting physically,” he says, adding that although virtual reality love brings two minds together with phantom bodies, to some extent, it makes humans question how they understand their sense of self connection to others and reveal how we love without the looks or traits that we feel define us physically.

On her part, Nicoleta Muingai, marriage therapist says at Kenya Marriage Counselling, this is gaining popularity because it is easier to hide behind an electronic identity, and not reveal the true identity. 

“This interaction has led to an interference of human social interaction, raising the question of how these social interactions are impacting the experience of interpersonal intimacy and its relationship,” she says.