Infidelity: Are women the bigger cheaters?
By Cynthia Atuo, July 23, 2025Cheating. It’s one thing most of us have thought about doing at some point in our lives. Some have even done it.
However, men cheat a lot. At least most of them do. For decades, men have always been the culprits of infidelity. According to recent statistics by Infidelity Stats, about 20 per cent of married men cheat on their wives.
Men’s infidelities have long been the reason why most relationships and marriages end up in breakups and divorces.
The American Psychological Association (APA) further reports that about 20 to 40 per cent of divorces are linked to infidelity, and men tend to cheat a lot more than women do.
Despite this high rate of infidelity, men have always had justifications as to why they cheat.
For instance, they say they are polygamous in nature, they don’t cheat with emotions, it was the heat of the moment, or that it was Satan’s doing, and blah blah blah.
And while for the longest time, women have always put up with these excuses and blame games, it seems the tables are turning.
Guilty as charged
It turns out that today, many women are opting to either willfully cheat or cheat back on their men as a way to get revenge.
The same statistics reveal that 13 per cent of women have reported having sex with someone other than their partner while still in marriage.
More notably, the Smith Investigation Agency found that women aged between 18 and 29 are slightly more guilty of infidelity.
Relationships (those that haven’t ended up in marriage) are also not spared. Evidenced by viral videos and confessions on social media platforms, it seems like relationships and marriages are in for a tough ride.
One instance is the case of popular TikTokers Tileh Pacbro and his ex-wife, Martina. These two influential TikTokers were once the most famous celebrity couple in Kenya, even considered couple goals by many.
However, they announced their separation in May last year, sending shockwaves through the entertainment industry.
While Tileh chose to remain silent, he recently disclosed that he has since been receiving jabs, losing jobs, being called names, and even being judged by people. His loud silence on the matter made some fans believe that he cheated while in the relationship, claiming he moved on to the new one too fast.
However, a few days ago, Tileh spilt the beans, revealing that his relationship ended because his ex-wife was supposedly unfaithful in the relationship and had cheated with multiple men.
“I have never been unfaithful, never will. I did not break my family as it has been painted of me, as much as it is difficult to say this, I walked away after I found out that my ex-wife did in fact engage in extramarital affairs with multiple men while we were married. She probably had her own reasons, just not good enough to have me overlook that kind of boundary breach. I don’t want that title anymore, I have suffered enough,” he shared on his social media.
No excuse
Notably, the social culture is also seemingly leaning more towards this new cheating trend, from influencers to actors, and even artists.
Renowned Hollywood actress and musician Chloe Bailey’s song dubbed “Cheatback’ is a testament to the culture.
From the lyrics, you can tell the modern-day woman is determined to cheat back on her partner if he cheats. It has become a tit for tat situation and nothing less.
“I’m not gonna cry anymore, wait up at night, or answer your calls whenever you are down. I’m not gonna bleach your clothes, or do you like that. What I really want is to cheat back. I’ll find another boo from the hood with some tats, give him what’s yours and show him I can throw it back. Maybe then baby you’ll know how to act if I cheat back,” reads part of the song’s lyrics.
A clear intent of cheating back should the man be guilty of infidelity.
With such confessions on display, the million-dollar question is why are women cheating more and willing to cheat back?
Shadow Stories, a TikTok page that posts marriage and relationship secrets of people in anonymity, says it all.
Women do actually cheat for many reasons. While some do it for revenge, others are for pleasure, heat of the moment, and many other reasons, some even similar to men’s.
“I cheated on my husband with brother-in-law, Chris. I never meant for it to happen. It was a weak moment for both of us, but we didn’t stop doing it. It was very enjoyable, it kept going,” says an anonymous user.
Another user said, “My sister-in-law convinced me to be her partner and attend swinging events with her. She said my brother isn’t open-minded, but I am. Well, we ended up sleeping together.”
“I cheated on my husband with my Uber driver. He did not want to drive me, so I took an Uber. We became best friends right away, and somehow things heated up and we started kissing and exploring each other’s bodies,” says another, admitting that she still kept the affair going.
While speaking during an interview with The Roomates podcast, relationship therapist Mary Jo Rapini shared that while men usually speak more about cheating, women choose to keep quiet because it’s more taboo.
However, she notes that many women, perhaps more, cheat because it’s a human thing and it’s a choice that people make.
According to the seasoned therapist, while men usually say they are biologically programmed to spread their seeds, the truth is that both men and women are created to cheat.
“Men have no more of an excuse to cheat than women do. It’s in both of our DNA’s too, and we are biologically programmed to spread our seeds. Men secrete testosterone, which is more aggressive and focused more on sex, but women are in need to have sex and be loved as men are. So, all of the things we hear contrary to that are myths,” emphasised Rapini.
With both men and women opting to have extra-marital affairs, who stands to lose in the end?
“Women have more to lose when they choose that. But when men chose to cheat, they usually still love their wives very much, 56 to 60 per cent of the time. While it’s never a wise choice to cheat, a man will still work on their marriage and make it better and somehow rectify it,” noted Rapini.
She further denotes that when women cheat, they’ve actually checked out of the marriage or relationship, and in most cases, there is no going back.
“The fact that they’ve checked out is what makes it vital. To be able to open up that discussion to women before they make that choice because when they make that choice, there is very little chance that they will go back,” she says.
Despite them (men) cheating, some men say they can’t take back a cheating wife or girlfriend. Therefore, when the woman cheats, the relationship will probably hang in the balance and eventually die a natural death.
“I tried to, but the pain was unbearable. I couldn’t trust her anymore, and once trust is dead, the relationship is dead. I realised that I couldn’t love her again like I did before and decided to terminate the relationship to free myself from the emotional trauma and pain,” said Brohl Mason on Quora.
Gerardo Hernandez also confessed that he has had a hell of a time ever since his wife cheated, much so that it’s affecting their sex life.
“As a man who was cheated on and decided to stay, I can tell you: you forgive, but you will never forget.”
“For the most part, we interact well, but we haven’t had sex in a long time. Now that the dust has settled and time has passed, I find it more difficult to even think about having sex with her. I am afraid it will trigger memories for her (or images for me), so I don’t even go there,” he says.
Therapist Rapini notes that cheating is one of the choices that really breaks up a whole family.
“Once you make that vow, it’s not that you can’t cheat, it’s that you choose to stay faithful and committed,” she says in conclusion.