Hi Achokis. 

I’m 22 years old, in college and have a serious boyfriend. My dad lost his job in May last year in the midst of Covid-19. My mum had been retrenched a year earlier.

As a family, we have really struggled financially as a result of this. Due to my dad’s job loss his priority, I guess, was to finish building the house he was putting up. This only made things worse.

I’m the first born in the family and I have six siblings. My boyfriend who is much older than me has offered to pay college fees for me, but my friend got me a small job in their company though it’s an 8am to 8pm job.

I’m torn between continuing with school or taking up the job. Please advise!

Our take

Thank you for your question. We sympathise with your situation. Indeed, we are living in difficult times and we can only imagine how hard it is for your family.

It is quite unfortunate that many families have been affected by the Covid-19 pandemic in one way or the other.  

We understand your predicament. There’s someone here who loves and cares for you and is willing to pay your school fees. But on the other hand, there is a job offer.

Definitely, your parents want the best for you, but may not be able to afford it because of their circumstances.

Your boyfriend also wants the best for you, and is ready to take care of you. But the question is, is he willing to take care of both your family and you as well? 

Money can make you a slave

Well, even if he promises to, realise he’s not yet your husband —he’s just a boyfriend. You don’t know what might happen down the road. What if things don’t work?

You also don’t want to be in a relationship where you are in it just because of the financial support.

You don’t want to be tied to him simply because of the fees. You want to be in a relationship because you love this person and he loves you too. 

Don’t depend on your man

On the other hand, if you take up the job, you may be able to help your parents.

You can always join evening classes if your boyfriend is still willing to pay your fees or alternatively join them later when you can afford it.

It is always advisable for you as a woman to not totally depend on a man. You need to be free to make your own decisions and that’s why earning your own money helps.

That doesn’t mean that you completely block off your boyfriend or think that those are his intentions.

We know guys who have taken care of their girlfriends even long before marrying them.

So, it is important to candidly talk with him and let him know your fears and concerns. – The writers are marriage and relationship coaches, [email protected]