Christmas isn’t ideal to visit my bae’s folks

Hi Achokis,

I met a guy mid this year and we hit it off. I love him and he loves me too. Things have been moving so fast and he now wants us to visit his parents this Christmas.

When he told me this, I developed cold feet because I feel it is too early for me to meet his parents. I feel I still don’t know him that much.

I’m also not comfortable going to his place at this festive season. I don’t want to hurt him what should I do?

Our take

You have hardly known this guy for six months and yes, there is a possibility you are still infatuated by each other.

Probably, when he invited you over to his shags, reality suddenly hit home. You are in that space where you are now looking at things objectively and asking yourself some serious questions, and that is okay.

Why do you feel it is too early to visit his parents? What are your fears? Is it that it will be assumed you are his wife-to-be?

Sometimes we rush too fast in doing certain things such as introducing a girlfriend or a boyfriend to our parents too early.

Christmas is a special moment for families and your visit at this time may insinuate some things and that is why you are probably apprehensive. 

Wife-to-be?

Our parents read a lot of things between the lines and for them, that visit may send a message, especially if they have been putting pressure on their son to get married.

So from then on, you will always be under pressure to keep the relationship going even if things may not be working well between the two of you.

The fact that his parents would know you makes you feel like not letting them down. It also fogs your mind and thus may influence your decision-making process.

Being introduced to friends or his/her siblings is a little bit different as there is no much pressure with them. 

It will thus be important to sit down with your guy and share with him your concerns. He may assure you of certain things that might allay your fears.

Have a candid conversation about this and don’t fear letting him know why you are not comfortable visiting his home at this time.

The problem with many dating couples is that they hide their fears or concerns and go through certain things that they come to regret later.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by having that conversation with him.

After all, it might just be the conversation that will take your relationship to the next level, if he understands, great, if he throws a tantrum or leaves you because of this, then it is also great as it shows that he isn’t the man for you. – The writers are marriage and relationship coachesbarnieachoki@gmail.com