In the recent past, there have been conversations on social and mainstream media about men and mental health. There is growing evidence that men are not okay.

The Economic Survey report 2025 has revealed that there have been more deaths registered among men than women in the past five years.

More male (55.8 per cent) than female (44.2 per cent) deaths were registered in 2024. Even though there was a slight decline compared to the previous year, male deaths exceeded female deaths across all age groups, especially between 55-74 age groups.

These numbers, buried in the 2025 Economic Survey, barely hint at the undercurrent of crisis flowing silently beneath society’s surface and emotional and mental health reckoning that many men are drowning in, alone and unheard.

Like many men, James Mwangi, in his 30s, walks into church every Sunday. He smiles when he greets others, nods respectfully to elders, and laughs during casual conversations. But deep inside, he’s been battling depression in silence for years.

“There was a time when I was very low, and I fell into depression. It was devastating. I had no energy to work. I felt hopeless and helpless. I didn’t want to engage with people. It felt like everybody was out to judge me rather than assist,” he shares.

What is troubling about James’ story is not just the pain he describes, but how familiar it has become for many men. No visible wound, no dramatic breakdown, just a quiet destruction of the soul, while appearing ‘fine’, on the outside.

James turns to prayer for strength, but even faith can be a lonely space when emotional vulnerability feels like a betrayal of masculinity. With no one to talk to, the burdens of frustration, disappointment and unhealed traumas, it can be hard to cope.

“The society treats men differently when they express sadness. Men are not expected to be weak. Weakness is seen as failure in your manhood,” he says.

Many men believe that showing emotions or talking about their problems is a sign of weakness, and this has in turn driven them into depression and some to commit suicide.

Job rejections

Felix Mumanyi, another man who has endured depression, paints a similar image, yet his experience shows the difference that supportive relationships can make.

“I’ve been through depression because of constant job rejections. It felt frustrating, draining, and made me doubt myself. But when I feel low, I talk to my mom and my spouse. They give me strength.”

He acknowledged the pressure to hide his emotions, but unlike James, he has a small emotional lifeline, something many men lack.

“Male friendships rarely allow emotional talks. Most times, we just joke or talk about surface stuff,” he said, emphasising that male friendships leave no space for emotional or mental support.

According to psychologist Geoffrey Wango, the death rate disparity between men and women is deeply psychological and cultural.

He explains that while more women attempt suicide, more men actually die from it, a disturbing paradox rooted in how men internalise trauma and avoid help.

“The coping mechanisms of men are the problem. When hurt, many men don’t talk. Instead, they drink, smoke, isolate, or engage in violence and risky behaviours. That’s why suicide and substance abuse are higher among men,” Wango said.

He further explained how untreated childhood trauma, emotional repression, and toxic masculinity lead to long-term mental and physical health consequences, including heart disease, dementia, and depression.  

“I’ve talked to men who were abused as children and never told anyone, not for 50 years. Who would they tell? Male friends would laugh. Society doesn’t allow men to be vulnerable,” he stated.

He also explained that, like women, men also go through sexual abuse but choose to hide it, thinking that no one can believe that a man can be assaulted.  

“How can a man tell others that once his house help or caregiver used to have sex with them? That is why childhood experiences among men are very bad,” he emphasised.

“If you do a study in prison, you will find that most men were traumatised when they were young,” he added.

According to counsellor Eunice Magoma, boys and girls are raised differently, which causes men to suppress emotions early on.

“Men are taught that their worth comes from action, not emotion. They’re problem solvers, not feelers. So, when they’re emotionally distressed, they don’t talk, they do something to escape it,” she explains.

This often leads to patterns that are misinterpreted as bad behaviour, isolation, irritability, substance use, insomnia, and even sexual dysfunction, all red flags of depression in men that frequently go unnoticed.

“A man can be deeply depressed and still show up to work every day, crack jokes, or provide for his family. But inside, he’s collapsing,” Magoma added.

Wango’s observations on trauma echo those made in studies of soldiers returning from war.

Seek therapy

“Men don’t just bottle things up; they lock them away. And when trauma accumulates, it can explode. That’s why in the West, you see veterans with PTSD resorting to violence. It’s an untreated mental illness.”

Whether it’s unresolved childhood abuse, marital stress, financial pressure, or societal expectations, when men don’t speak, their pain finds another way out. Often, it’s through illness, addiction, or death.

More men are beginning to seek therapy, form peer support groups, and even journal their emotions. Wango noted a positive trend of men going to the gym, using steam and sauna for mental wellness, and engaging with media around mental health.

“Psychology can work with men. But it needs trust, patience, and creative approaches. We need to teach men to choose positive coping strategies: exercise, faith, purpose, talking,” Wango said.

“Opening up emotionally doesn’t have to be dramatic. Start by saying, ‘I’m having a bad day’ or ‘I’m feeling low today.’ Even small admissions can open doors.” Magoma recommended stating that men can take baby steps in coping with mental health.

She also advises loved ones to listen more and judge less. Support can come in simple acts: asking, being present, encouraging therapy, and affirming that it’s okay not to be okay.

Psychologists advise men to avoid negative coping mechanisms and embrace positive ones like therapy, meditation, prayer and physical exercises.