Forget governorship, I will defend my Ward Rep seat
By PD columnist, June 13, 2022I have finally seen the futility of chasing after the elusive dream of becoming a governor. For this reason, I have now decided to fight to retain my MCA seat. Before labeling me a man of little ambition, get my side of the story.
You remember last week, MCA Chonjo and I presented ourselves before the county IEBC honchos. I was to be his running mate for the gubernatorial seat, only for him to change his mind in the last minute, catching me unawares. The election officials sent us away to sort our confusion.
“Chonjo, why have you changed your mind all of a sudden?” I asked as we ambled to my office.
“My political enemies have connived with the IEBC to reject my degree certificate.”
“Where did you study?”
“The University of Manchester,” came the cool reply.
“Manchester!” I gasped. “So you studied in London?”
“Yes. Online,” the wannabe running mate blurted out. I immediately smelt a huge rat. Chonjo was not one to keep silent about such an achievement.
When we reached the office, I asked to see the degree certificate. He extracted it from a pile of papers, some were rather dog-eared. The certificate read ‘Univesity of Manchester’ (sic) and that he studied ‘Leadership and General Administration’.
“This certificate is fake!” I told him outright.
“Fake how?” he fumed. Realising that my mate was beginning to sound confrontational, I held my peace.
“Ok, let us put our papers in order and go back to the IEBC,” I suggested. We went on to arrange the requisite documents and fill in the necessary forms. We then made a beeline to the offices.
“You are back? I hope you are now more organised,” said one of the officers who had earlier sent us away.
“Yes, we are,” Chonjo said. “I will be the running mate.”
“Okay, let’s see the papers, starting with yours,” he said, pointing at me. I handed him all the relevant documents. To my relief, he nodded in satisfaction and gave me some forms to fill in.
Then it was time for my running mate’s documents to be checked. “Which university is this?” asked the officer.
“Manchester,” Chonjo responded with the confidence of a professor emeritus.
“Fine. Just give me a moment,” the officer said and walked into another room, certificate in hand. Chonjo now looked fidgety, his eyes shifty. “See? My jealous enemies have already influenced these IEBC people,” he whispered. I kept mum.
A short while later, the officer came back, looked Chonjo straight in the eye and said to him, “Bwana Chonjo, we are going to do you a favour; we will not call the police to arrest you for forgery. Just take this useless piece of paper and leave.” He was holding Chonjo’s supposed certificate as if it were some toxic object. Looking subdued, my would-be running mate walked out of the office. The officer turned to me.
“Bwana Gwinso, it seems you did not check your running mate’s papers before coming here?”
“I did, but he insisted the certificate was genuine.”
“He has ruined your chances of vying for governorship. It is now too late to get another running mate.” That declaration put an end to my ambitions to lead the county. Suddenly, the thought of being a nobody in the county government hit me hard.
“Can I defend my MCA seat?” I asked, feeling desperate.
“If you can beat the deadline. It is only a few hours away,” answered the officer, looking at me sympathetically. “The hard part is getting the 500 signatures,” he added. I quickly contacted my handler, Mokonyonyo Spoiler, and explained my situation.
In a flash, he came for the signature forms, and trust him to act fast in a crisis: within an hour or so, he had collected the requisite signatures. I managed to beat the deadline. When I went home and broke the news to Mama Hirohito, daughter of my mum-in-law, she was far from impressed.
“From presidential hopeful to MCA aspirant, Ok!” she remarked.
A while later, Chonjo called me. “Know what? We are still in the gubernatorial race!” he said sounding irritatingly upbeat. “I have appealed to the IEBC Dispute Resolution Committee.” Had I not abruptly hang up on him, I would have called him something nasty. Anyway, what matters now is that I am firmly in the WArd Rep race. Ukweli ndio huo.
—a.otieno@pu.ac.ke