If I knew then what I know now about honouring one’s father when the latter is still alive, may be his blessings would have bettered my fortunes. The Bible says that when you receive a father’s blessing, you are receiving the permission and authorisation to prosper.

Fatefully, fathers slog to meet the material needs of their families, but many hardly live long enough to enjoy the emotional and material fruits of their labour. Children are also blind even when grown up and successful to appreciate the pivotal role their fathers played in their lives.

After doing all the donkey work, fathers are branded as layabouts who spend their lives carousing. All the goodies from their children are directed to their mothers, as fathers are reduced to beggars. Make no mistake, this is a curse, not just to families, but to society. 

Sunday, June 18, marks the annual International Father’s Day, which is usually celebrated on the third Sunday of June. Now, many fathers are under severe duress from their spouses, which has exacerbated the rising cases of mental illness. When marriages or families go awry, it is always the man’s fault. Women seem to have been given a carte blanche, as men’s hands are entangled by biased statutes. 

This narrative must change. A couple of weeks ago I watched a TV interview of a man who accused his ex-wife of seventeen years of actual bodily harm. While such cases are usually one-sided since the spouse is usually absent to defend him or herself, the suffering man was convinced that the tragic incidents he has experienced in the last several years were planned by his divorced wife.

Women could be avenging for the injustices meted on them by men through millennia. But two wrongs don’t make it right. It is the children who will continue to suffer from these vicious gender wars, eventually leading to the total breakdown of society like we see in many latter-day societies.

The so called deadbeat fathers and absentee fathers spoil the good reputation of the conscientious ones. While the circumstances for the foregoing may be the cause of such outcomes, there is still a way fathers can work with the “gold diggers” and other incorrigible spouses to ensure that their offspring do not suffer double jeopardy.

I pay special tribute to fathers of children with special needs. My 13-year-old autistic son, Aaron, has taught me unconditional love. If I was reactionary, irresponsible, or a man of little resolve, I would have long hanged my fatherhood boots long ago. The job is easier said than done.

But I do not pride myself for undertaking the impossible task of bringing up a child with psycho-social challenges. True, it has affected my personal development on a few fronts. But the personal fulfillment from the grace of fathering an autistic being is a precious reward in itself. May be it is my ticket to heaven.

Sadly, as a lone fathers’ voice in the wilderness, I stick out like a sore thumb during events and occasions where parents of children with autism are gathered. Fortunately, my courage comes from within; the conviction that I am studiously performing my God-given responsibility in nurturing a special child.

Indeed, there is a special place for fathers who turn a deaf ear to the negativity of unappreciative and insolent spouses, and epithets from fellow men, and soil their hands in ensuring that their children succeed.

Even as fathers strive for financial security, they must not neglect their cardinal responsibility of taking their children through the milestones of their formative and delicate years.

No one decides whether to be born a man or woman. Therefore, there should be utmost respect for each other’s role, and for the natural boundaries that nature dictates. Continue to rest in peace dear dad!

—The writer is a PhD student in International Relations