Yesterday, a meme was shared in our WhatsApp group. A female social media user asked a guy out for a date.

The guy must have been elated because, quite frankly, we all get giddy when a babe shows some affection.  

Now, when the bill was passed to the guy after they had finished enjoying themselves, he was hesitant to grab it. He’d assumed that, since the babe asked him out, she should be able to pay for the food and whatever else they had.

She couldn’t. She was mad that he refused to pay. It quickly turned ugly, and the guy left.

According to the meme, a screenshot of her social media post, the babe said she had to call her mom to pay for her because she did not have any money on her. What a disaster! I empathise with the lady.

However, my point is not to talk about what the guy should or should not have done.

Neither is it to condemn the babe; it is to point out the kind of entitlement that can ruin relationships between young men and women, especially if there is no explicit interest in becoming romantic partners.

The conversation about who pays for dates is a chaotic dance in heterosexual courtship and relationships.

Just to put it out there, I believe men should pay for dates in courtship. I am ready to die on this hill.

What I am not okay with is having to pay bills for random people, friends, and acquaintances who believe you have to cater to dates, no questions asked.

I dare say, this shameless act is an insult to fairness, and you should run away from such people, whether you are a man, a woman, or non-conforming.

It is surprising that even in a more progressive world, an age-old gender norm is giving us headaches. And all this stems from a lack of proper conversations.

It’s said that communication is key, yet more often than not, it doesn’t seem like it. Many talking stages among Gen Zs are dotted with dodging the hard conversations.

Gen Zs are more likely to talk about ‘stingo deadly deadly’ (fire bedroom skills) but not finances, trauma, and conflict resolution (this is not a fact, just my personal observation).

The principle of invitation states that whoever initiates the invite caters for the cost (it does not matter your gender). It is an acceptable form of social etiquette.

More often, it shows courtesy, thoughtfulness, and respect. When you invite someone on a date and offer to cater for it, you are setting a positive tone for your outing to thrive. You do not make an offer and then let the responsibility fall on another person.

That said, if y’all haven’t talked about the date, think about how they have framed their question.

“Can I take you out to lunch?” is different from “Can we grab lunch next week?” The first one means they are paying for it, and the latter means there is a chance you’d pay for yourself or y’all will split the bill.

In the end, we all want to go on dates and create memories. It should be fair, intentional, and thoughtful. So, can we grab coffee… sorry, can I buy you coffee next week? Yes? No? Sawa baas.

— The writer is the founder of Tabasamu Concept, a community that creates spaces for Gen Zs to network, unwind and spread positivity