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Hi Achokis. I’m 26 years and chose to have a baby with a much older man.  I didn’t know he was married until we had a baby together. Our baby is now three years, but my baby daddy has started acting strangely. 

He doesn’t call me unless I call. He has cut down any financial support by half and sometimes won’t give me anything unless I threaten him. I wonder if he is seeing another woman.

I told him I’m planning to tell his wife about what is going on. However, he begged me not to do so and promised to change. Do I believe him?  What do I do?

OUR TAKE

Hi. It is unfortunate you didn’t know your baby daddy was married. Whenever you get involved with a much older man, chances are he is already married or was married at one point. Rarely will you find they are single?

Such men are most likely only out to have fun— they don’t want a child or any commitment such as marriage. Your baby daddy was probably only looking for fun, and when you got the baby, things changed.

Maybe he only agreed to support you initially because he felt pity for you and hoped with the time you would be able to move on.

He wasn’t ready

 It is also possible he was led astray by his passions and when he came to his senses, he withdrew from the relationship. He wasn’t ready to have another wife leave alone another child.

When people start off in love, they are driven by passion and never stop to think where it would lead them. It is only after reality sinks in that they realise what it means.

Probably the emotional and financial implication is hitting home and he doesn’t know how to handle this. 

However, he needs to take responsibility for the child since he is the father. Blackmailing him for a while might help, but what if he tells you to go ahead and tell his wife, what would you do? Or what if he confesses to his wife? Those threats won’t help in the long run. 

Let him support his child

What you can do now is let him know you want to end the relationship and the only thing you need from him is financial support for his child.

Agree with him on how this should be done and give him a few months to see if he follows through this time. 

 Failure to do so, seek legal redress or go to the children’s welfare department who would threaten him with action forcing him to fulfil his obligations.

He cannot deny his child as paternity can be proven through a DNA test and I don’t think he would want to take this path as it would be embarrassing for him. He should reap what he has sown and not be a deadbeat dad. – The writers are marriage and relationship [email protected]