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“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.”   – C JoyBell C

Hi Achokis,

I am a single lady in my mid 30s. There’s this guy who always comes to our office to repair our computers that I really like. He is such a humorous guy, easygoing and very handsome.

I think he also likes me by the way he talks to me, and likes hanging around me. But he has never asked me out for lunch or a date.

This thing has been going on for over a year now and the more I am falling for him.

Should I approach him even though my girlfriends have discouraged me from it, or what should I do? Please advise!

Our take

Thanks for seeking advice. It’s okay to like someone and there will be people including those of the opposite sex who will come into your life that you really like.

It is even more exciting if the feelings for each other are mutual, because if it is only one sided, it can be very frustrating.

So you like this guy and think or feel (they say ladies feel, guys think) that he is also into you?

Well, that is debatable because unless someone opens his mouth and tells you exactly that, it may be an assumption.

We have seen many people live with such assumptions only to get hurt when they discovered otherwise. What have you noticed that makes you think he also likes you?

Check out how he behaves around other ladies in your office or out there. Try finding out more about him through social media, his hobbies, relationships etc.

Whatever you need to do must be done now as waiting any longer may not be advisable.

You are not getting any younger and what if he doesn’t feel the same about you?

We agree with your girlfriends, a lady approaching a guy directly will put off the guy or make him think lowly of you and thus even take advantage of you thinking that you are desperate.

This seems old fashioned, but that’s just the way things are. If you as a lady are the one who pursues a guy and even makes him marry you, what happens once you get married?

The best you can do is to be inviting, look attractive and hang around him some more. 

The fact that he hasn’t asked you out for a date is also disturbing. Could it be that he is not interested or could it be that he’s with someone else or he’s just shy? In case of the latter, he may need some help.

You can ask one of your male colleagues or another mutual male friend that you trust to befriend him and slyly find out from him what he really thinks about you.

They could arrange for a social outing where you really get to know this guy and confirm if he really likes you.

It is only by confirming this that you can continue to nurture those feelings.  The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]