Is it even Christmas if you haven’t spent time with your loved one? Or visited your in-laws to share a meal or good time? Or played secret Santa with relatives and friends to open those gifts that bought for each other?

Well, these are some practices people expect during the festive season. However, some families feel the stress and frustration of having to meet up with their extended family, because they are forced to  adopt some practices they view as outdated yet they have been in existence since time immemorial. 

For Instance, Rachael Wafula explains that despite planning for a feast in their home in Turbo, she has to accept the fact that she won’t be able to get the good pieces of chicken she comfortably eats while at her own home in Nairobi. 

 “It might look like a food feud, but in my opinion, its bad and demeans me to some extent. I would want to eat that gizzard, or drum stick that my husband and sons get to enjoy,” she laments.

Every time they have to go to the village, fear builds up when she thinks of what her in-laws might think of her. 

“I had been hearing of such stories, but I thought it was the attempts of an elder to have all the good pieces of meat until one day I actually saw it happen in real time. One day, my daughter requested for a gizzard and everyone at the table looked at us, amused. I was confused, but later on, my husband explained why,” she says.

For some communities, the gizzard is only meant for the head of the household or an elder in a specific gathering. It is considered taboo for a woman to eat it as it will bring bad omen to the household and community. 

It’s not any different for Brian Njuguna, who experienced culture shock the first time he visited his in-laws last festive season and had to sleep in his car. He didn’t know he was not supposed to sleep in his wife’s parents’  house.

“It was the first time I was going to visit for a couple of days stay after our wedding. I actually thought that I could sleep in her uncle’s or any other relative’s place as she slept in her parents’ house,” he says. 

That was not the case. Given that no other relative was visiting at that time, he was forced to sleep in the car for the four days they were visiting. He thought this tradition had already been phased out. 

“The fact that on many occasions we all slept in my mother’s house got me so confused. I thought we were in modern times where we both didn’t have to bother about traditions,” he recalls, 

Interestingly, there are still many taboos that have refused to go away despite the level of education and the advancement of many countries.

In some communities, going against these practices is viewed as disrespect to the ancestors and would bring curses to the family. 

Peter Wambua, a Kamba elder, says there were so many ways of disrespecting the elders and corresponding ways to appeasing them. 

“One way the ancestors ensured they regulated crimes and sins was through coming up with different beliefs to keep people from committing them,” he says.

Some taboos included married couple holding hands or displaying any romantic gesture and a father in-law visiting his son’s house when his son was not around.

“Given that it’s the festive season and families will be at home, it is important to remember a man shouldn’t sleep in their in-law’s house or sleep with his wife in her parents’ home because this is wrong,” he says.

Wambua says food made it to list of taboos. But in as much as these taboos can be a way for communities to celebrate values instilled, they play a major role in mental health. 

Shadrack Kyove, a psychologist, says although traditions give us numerous benefits and connect generations and strengthen bonds, they can be a bit harsh to people, especially during bonding time. 

For the festive season it is good for communities to ensure that sanity is maintained during the season. 

“Yes, the traditions are existing, but can’t people just have their favourite chicken pieces without thinking about what their ancestors or elders would think?” he asks.