Just about last week, one of the most trending jokes on social media said a famous self-styled prophet had cancelled a crusade owing to the coronavirus pandemic. Ha!

Of course, it was not lost on observers that a bloke who claims to heal people should not be afraid of disease, never mind it has wreaked havoc all over the world.

After all, if a man has claimed to cure diseases that folks have survived with for decades, why would they be averse to holding their many crusades and healing sessions? Is something not amiss here? The sheer irony is hard to miss.

Assuming it was true, it would go a long way to show and demonstrate to us gullible folks that some of the guys we take to be miracle performers are stunt masters at best.

Not that this is news but the reality should start to sink in, that we have been deceived for long. 

Indeed, at worst, they are masters of chicanery and exploit their followers. They are up to no good. Haki!  

In some cases, incredibly naive followers have taken to using detergents to wash the tarmac where the men of the cloth will pass. It boggles the mind that these folks have a following at all. 

Whoever said that religion is the opium of the masses must have had us in mind. I mean we Kenyans.  

But we digress.  I was telling you about the hilarity that greeted public announcements about measures to be taken to help contain the pandemic.

 Of course, you heard that those who could work from home were encouraged to do so, and then the jokes started.

 A wag suggested that construction workers could carry home cement, ballast and mix them. Thereafter, they could get motorcycle riders to deliver the cargo to their bosses at building sites.

 Another wag took issue with the bit that civil servants be encouraged to work from home too and help reduce the congestion that authorities were particularly keen to eliminate or reduce.

 His comment was greeted by incredulous reactions, with a bloke asking how folks who have not been working can start to work from home.

 A man of the cloth, who shall not be named because he is my friend, also joined in, saying that given the suggestion for people to keep indoors in the spirit of self-quarantine, a population boom should be expected nine months from now.

 The laughter that met this curious observation could only be compared to that inside a circus but that topic should be extended at other forums because this is a family newspaper.

 Suffice it to say that the quarantine will breed (pun intended!) a situation in which recreation results in procreation. Enough said!

 Of course, spouses will be amazed to discover that their partners have been allowed to work from home but this realisation will come months later when they come to terms with a strange business trip organised just around this time.

Then they will put two and two and come up with a strange answer, like six. If you know, you know!

 In other circles, eaters of my favourite mutura brought their version of hilarity, saying if anyone finds the taste different just about now, it is because the makers are suddenly washing hands, and that the real and original taste will resume once the pandemic is over.

 You see, folks who excel in frying that delicacy have a little aversion to hygiene but that is beside the point. The fact remains it is much loved by many guys, especially as they sip their favourite tipple.

 Did I say sip? Wrong! Folks who do frothy stuff actually swig it. That means a glass is emptied in two trips to eager lips. Bottoms up. 

By contrast, chaps who afford costlier stuff with exotic names take the trouble to appreciate the aroma, then they sip gingerly as if their lips are fragile and must be handled with care. This side up.

 But we digress, again. 

On a really brighter side, the pandemic has taught some of us to keep hands clean, even if it is by default, and to avoid handshakes. I like that. If you are a notorious germs carrier, you keep them to yourself. 

You see, out there in the west, folks shake hands the first time they meet or are introduced. After that, they never, ever shake hands again.

If they meet in the streets, they just nod and say ‘hi’. Now that is a very, very good thing. It’s actually cool. Have a handshake-free week, folks! – The writer is Special Projects Editor, People Daily