Hi Achokis.

I have been married for seven years and have one child. I feel like my husband and I are not compatible.

I like going out and having fun while my husband prefers I stay at home and behave like ‘someone’s wife.’

He is always suspecting me of cheating on him. I feel like he wants to control me.

I’m sick and tired of this and feel like I should do whatever I feel like doing without being locked up like a prisoner at home. Could our age-gap be affecting our marriage? –Sue

Thank you Sue for your question. Have you just woken up and realised your incompatibility or is it something that has always been there?

This is important, as you could have reached a stage in your life that you want to rediscover yourself as a woman, which your hubby is struggling with.

He hasn’t seen this version of you and so when he sees you become alive, he is thinking that it’s because of someone else who has come into your life. 

Possible scenarios

Though you didn’t reveal your age gap, it is true that this could affect your marriage. It can also be because of other issues such as your different personalities and backgrounds.

It’s clear that you are an extrovert and he is an introvert. For you, life must happen — you want to go out and enjoy, while he loves being at home.

He may have got married with certain expectations about what a wife should look like and you don’t seem to fit that bill.

You also may have come from a strict family where you were not given much freedom and so now that you are grown-up, you want to enjoy that freedom, but you see your husband as an impediment.

Whatever the case, it is important for the two of you to have an honest discussion about the same. Why is he suspicious of you?

Has there been a case of cheating in the past? Is it just about your going out or is it about the frequency or timing?

Let him know that you feel controlled and want to enjoy your freedom within certain boundaries, but also listen to him to try and understand why he is fussing about it.

Have fun together

As a married wife, you can’t just live your life as a single woman — you need to know your limits.

So yes, it may mean you adjusting, but it also may mean him allowing you certain freedoms.

How can he allow you to be you, without it affecting the relationship? Maybe it’s true that you are not meeting his expectations of a wife.

Therefore, it is important to know what his expectations are. Do you have any common interests? 

An old woman once said, “We don’t stop playing because we are old, we get old because we stop playing.” 

Explore ways in which you can both have fun as a couple such as hiking, camping, watching movies, among others bearing in mind both your personalities.  The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]