Will relationships survive Covid-19 social distancing?
By Christopher Owuor, March 20, 2020Betty Muindi @BettyMuindi
As the world fights the spread of Covid-19, the government has taken stringent measures to limit human contact with others.
Schools have been closed indefinitely, people have been encouraged to work from home and social gatherings banned to slow the spread of the virus.
While these measures are critical, long periods of social isolation, according to health experts may lead to psychological consequences, among them, a loneliness epidemic and a strain to romantic relationships.
James Mbugua, a counselling psychologist and lecturer at Africa Nazarene University says humans are social animals, and coronavirus threatens those connections.
He says human beings feel safest in groups, and as a result, we experience isolation as a physical state of emergency.
“In times of crisis, people instinctively come together to show solidarity, share experiences and to help each other.
This social support has proven to be an important factor in protecting against the negative impact that these events can have on our mental health,” he explains.
However, the outbreak of the coronavirus is unprecedented in that the advice to self-isolate and distance ourselves from others is the exact opposite of what we as human beings want to do in times of crisis.
“You know, we are used to greeting practices such as kisses on the cheek, hugs and high fives, so when someone refuses to engage in it, they are treated as an ultimate social snub,” he explains.
During a pandemic like this, Mbugua says public anxiety spreads faster than the disease as people begin to experience imaginary illness or symptoms associated with the virus. In times of stress and illness, being deprived of social connection can create more stress and illness.
Psychologist Lydia Mueni says social isolation, especially over long periods of time can increase the risk of a variety of health problems, including heart disease, depression, dementia and even death.
A 2015 meta-analysis of the scientific literature by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a research psychologist at Brigham Young University, and colleagues determined that chronic social isolation increases the risk of mortality by 29 per cent.
Other side of the coin
How can families survive not only the virus, but also each other? Experts say coronavirus may turn out to be the ultimate stress test for couples.
“As a couples and family therapist, I know that even without the virus, spending time crowded together with the family is quite a challenge,” she quips.
She says realistic fears of contracting the illness, anxiety stemming from apocalyptic scenarios, tension surrounding an actual or potential blow to one’s income, and the need to cope with dramatic changes in personal and business-related plans are some of the stress factors to watch out for.
“When you factor in the element of quarantine, which forces stressed-out people to live together for one month without being able to refresh themselves, the flames licking at the bottom of the psychological pot intensify,” she explains.
As reported by The Global Times, an English-language Chinese newspaper, there has been an unprecedented spike in divorces in some districts of Xi’an, capital of Northwest China’s Shaanxi Province. Ostensibly, this is because some couples forced to stay in isolation have since realised that they’re not right for each other.
Lydia agrees that that could actually happen. “The first few days of social distancing can be fun because after all, there’s lots to watch on TV, lots of playtime with children, cooking and some fun activities to do together,” she says adding, “But things may get a little tense at some point.
You will go from laughing over the endless coronavirus memes to snapping at one another.”
Mbugua concurs saying in extreme close quarters people might feel ‘trapped’ in a situation, which can trigger anxiety and defensive responses.
Time to connect
“We automatically react emotionally when we experience anxiety, which can transfer to our partner, feeding into their own anxiety. This can then escalate reciprocal defensive responses,” he notes.
However, they point out that there are things everyone can do to mitigate their downsides.
“Now is the time to reach out to friends and family and connect with them however you can. Let people know how much you care about them.
While live human connection is best, a phone call, with a real voice, is better than text, and video calls is better than a phone call,” she offers.
For families who will be living under one roof, he reiterates on abiding by the government directive to observe basic hygiene and while at it take advantage of this moments together to catch up on moments that have been missing.
Lydia says social distancing will also be particularly hard on the populations most vulnerable to isolation and loneliness such as older adults and people with pre-existing health conditions. “If older adults are forced to self-isolate, we don’t have contingency plans to help those who are lonely or have complex health problems,” she says.
While we can’t replace the value of face-to-face interactions, she calls for friends and relatives of this fragile group of people to think creatively.
“Can we, for example, equip older people with communication devices so you can keep in touch? For those living at home, can we engage a neighbour to check in on them?” she asks.