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Wanjiku Gacheru never expected to be back in her mother’s house. She left her parents’ home at the age of 18 years, and by the age of 32, she had her own tours and travel company, children and was the one supporting her mother back at home.

Then last year, something happened that made her pack her bags and move back home together with her children.

“I was diagnosed with bipolar, a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). It made me feel demotivated to do anything,” she narrates. 

Her work too was affected, especially by Covid-19 pandemic, and as a result, she couldn’t pay her bills or even afford to put food on the table. 

Tough decision

“My house was actually locked due to rent arrears and I left everything with no hope of recovering my household items.

If this happened before Covid-19, I would have gotten some friends to loan me some money,  but unfortunately many people are struggling,” she shares.

Making the decision to go back to her mother’s house was one of the toughest decisions that the passionate traveller has ever made.

To prepare her children psychologically, she told them what was going on and how life was going to change for them—from living in the city to going back to the village. 

“It was tough making my children understand the decision I was about to make. But I had to and luckily for me, they seem to be adjusting well even though everything happened so fast,” she recalls. 

Adjusting to the change

Shocked by the turn of events, her mother, while balancing tears in her eyes, accepted her back with open arms.

However, her mother’s friends are something else.  “My mum keeps on getting those uncomfortable questions from her friends about why her daughter is back home,” she says.

To avoid such incidences, Wanjiku stays indoors most of the time and only leaves when necessary. 

She believes that having a home to go to is a blessing and that leap of faith that she took was vital for her to receive healing and to recover from her loss. However, being at home with nothing to do has not been a walk in the park. 

“I’m a workaholic and I’m not used to sitting around. I’m currently depending on my baby bro to take care of us until I’m able to work again,” Wanjiku reveals. 

Another thing that demotivates her is the friends who deserted her. “My phone used to buzz every moment. 

I nowadays rarely get a call or a text in a day. Actually, I haven’t received a call for the last three days.

When people realise you have nothing to offer, they retreat and I believe it’s humanly and okay. I’m comfortable with that,” Wanjiku says.

Moving back home after living on your own can feel like a huge step backwards.

So much so, that it can have a negative impact on your mental health. “It is not easy to handle given that society does not expect this.

An adult is expected to be independent and self-reliant. When a person experiences hardships, the society will not provide him with a soft landing,” explains Dr George Owino, a  sociologist.  

Dr Owino adds that despite the loneliness that comes with the season, having the right perspective will assist a person to sail through.

“One can only handle such a scenario when you treat it as something temporal; a small setback, which you will overcome.

Take this as an opportunity to go back to the drawing board to restrategise. Only by recognising that this is only a temporary setback and that with good planning, a positive attitude and social support, will one make a comeback,” he notes. 

According to Dr Owino, if one has children, you need to be open with them and try and explain the changes that will take place in their lives in a simple manner.

“Explain to them that life sometimes may not go the way one would like, but that together, you can overcome.

The children can be sensitised to know that they would come out of the situation stronger by God’s grace,” he advises.

Get enough support

He adds that while the society expects an adult to be self-reliant and independent, one must never shy away to speak out and seek assistance whenever in trouble. 

“One must acknowledge the situation they are in and formulate possible alternative plans for moving forward.

This of course will be determined by the reason of their fall from grace. If it is redundancy, they may need to learn new skills, get into agribusiness if they have access to land and some little capital.

They can get into consulting whereby they employ their expertise to provide services for a pay.

This of course will depend on their area of training. This is where networks come in handy.

One can tap into their networks for leads into opportunities that they may take advantage of,” he says. 

Parents can offer a supportive atmosphere, encourage them and even suggest possible opportunities whenever they are in a position to do so. 

“If as a parent you can assist financially, you can provide financial support for your

children during this transition. The parents can also support with accommodation and upkeep if in a position to do so until their children stabilise,” he adds.

Wanjiku advises those going through financial or even health challenges to never be afraid of going back home regardless of how tough it might be. 

“If you have a home you can go to, just move back. It’s not easy, but it gives you ample time to restrategise. Don’t mind what people say. People’s opinions are just that.

Do what makes your life comfortable not what others feel pleased with,” she adds.