Raising kids: When money, kids don’t mix – Valerie Gathoni

Since she gave birth to her children, Valerie Gathoni decided to raise them differently. On top of her list was the discussion about money, a subject considered taboo when she was growing up. For starters, she is taking her kids for financial literacy class to help them understand money matters early.

“Money was not a subject of discussion with my parents. As a result, I made so many bad choices on matters cash that I wish my parents taught me on savings and jobs. I feel like I’m doing the right thing now,” she says.

Scarcity mentality

Gathoni confesses to have been an impulsive buyer, which got her into debts to the point of having her home auctioned. Meeting a friend who advised her on finances made a difference, something she wants to pass onto the next generation. 

Amongst things her kids will be taught include determining what needs and wants are, building a piggy bank, saving for things they want and making money. When it comes to spending their allowances, the two will learn how much to give to charity, to spend and what to save in the long term. 

“I believe this is the way to go for our generation. I see so many of my age mates making mistakes that could have been erased by learning about finances at a younger age,” she explains.

Historically, just like sex, money talk was a taboo subject, and children would never be told how much their parents earn or how money is made. Many parents got into bad debts paying school fees and meeting other needs without uttering a single word to their children. 

Some would cane their kids for demanding things they could not afford and others would receive endless promises, with the hope that, one day, their parents would have the cash o fulfil the promise. 

Money was regarded as something scarce, something that could only be felt when the month ends. Things were worse in the traditional African society where children were regarded inferior and could only be seen and not heard, even though the lives of these communities revolved around them. Amongst the pastoral communities, counting how much you have or how many cattle one possessed was deemed a taboo let alone talking about money with kids. 

Self esteem

Sociologist Gladys Nyachieo says the number of cows one had symbolised prestige, wealth and social status in the community. The lack of it would result in ridicule. “Cows were given as a present when a person performed well, was disciplined and after an act of bravery.

This means that boys began receiving them in their teenage years, gradually increasing them in their later years. Wealth was seen as a result of one’s hard work and in most instances, children who came from underprivileged families only observed the consequences of their parents’ behaviour without questions,” she explains.  

It is such a mentality that seeps into the present culture that promotes wealth accumulation and spending behaviour that most people have.  Money brings feelings of guilt, power or shame depending on those who have it or not.

Most parents feared talking about it because it brought back memories of insufficiency, and of wrong choices made in their younger years.  “Most parents regard money as a private matter because it is strongly connected to self-esteem.

Parents desire to look like heroes in their children’s eyes, and the lack of it makes children question their capability in taking care of the needs of the home. We argue and dream about money,” Gathoni explains.

When parents fail to communicate with their children on money matters, children end up inheriting their perceived attitudes on money, whether good or bad. 

Gathoni recommends including children in the financial decisions such as creating the budget and in the process, explaining why some items can’t be bought.

She also lets her children compare prices of items instead of always telling them there’s no cash. She cautions that always telling your children there is no money will make them spendthrifts in that they will try to quench the thirst of not having it. 

“Sharing financial issues with your children should not be taboo, but a way to encourage openness. You want to make them responsible and not transfer the same generational mistakes,” she concludes.