How to cope with partner’s annoying habits

Now more than ever, you will notice some of the irritating tendencies from your significant other that drive you to the edge. But how do you learn to live with them?

Sandra Wekesa @wekesa_sandra

We all have annoying habits, which we don’t find irritating, but they get into the nerves of our loved ones.

However, nobody is perfect and it is normal for lovebirds to have conflicting personalities.  

Such is the case with Milly Chebet who confirms that even with eight years of marriage, her husband, Terrance Creative, still holds on to those old habits.

Milly had to contend with Terrence buying socks every time because he would often misplace one, rendering the other useless.

She also had to teach him to shove his dirty clothes in a laundry basket, which he ended up learning with time.

Getting to compromise

However, there are some annoying habits she still has to deal with to date. “He will remove something from where it was and not return it.

Now that we are all at home, we have been doing so many video shoots, so we are required to constantly move equipment.

Once we are done, he won’t return the equipment to their respective place of storage. It gets so annoying because he knows how orderly I am, but fails to do it,” she says.

Another thing Milly finds irritating is that Terrence, an online content creator and comedian, buys costumes for his work, but leaves them clustered.

“They end up pilling and this bothers me so much because it leaves the place untidy.

And you can’t give them out because he will get pissed, so I just repeatedly tell him to arrange his things,” she says.

With time, Milly has learnt to accept her husband’s way of doing things. She says one mistakes women make is shouting at husbands.

“Marriage is about compromise and getting to understand each other.  You should learn from each other, and avoid being violent, even when irritated,” she says.

For Cedrick Akhulia, one of his wife’s irritating habits is asking too many questions.

He says, to her, this might be her way of getting to know more about him or showing concern, but he still finds it irritating.

“I don’t know if it’s just me, but I gathered men don’t like being questioned. I find this annoying because she will always probe even when I don’t seem to know the answer,” he laments.

Akhulia further says, his wife yells at him whenever he makes a mistake. “You find that we argue for hours over a small thing such as, not returning a salt shaker where it is supposed to be,” he adds.

“I have my own flaws too, probably worse than those I see in her. Therefore, I learn to understand where she comes from and just tell her when I don’t have an answer,” he adds. 

 According to Ken Munyua, a psychologist, it is normal to be annoyed with your spouse’s habits.

In his line of work, he has witnessed people who have been married for more than 30  years still dealing with some of old habits their partners can’t let go of.

He attributes this to the different expectations that people have towards each other.

“Two people, from different backgrounds will come together as one. Therefore, how you handle things will be different from how your partner will handle it,” he says.

Way forward

What you need to remember is that you willingly chose to marry your partner, not just because you shared some similarities, but also for the differences.

You felt the need to be completed by another person who is unlike you in some significant ways.

The key is to work together to change the habits that can be changed and learn to accept those that can’t.

 “One thing that couples should learn to do is communicate. If you find your husband has a tendency of repeating socks, or losing one side of the pair, talk to him about it, and let him be aware of how you feel about it. With time, they will change,” says Munyua.

Also, give them time to change because you don’t expect this to be abrupt. “The moment you have already communicated, give them time to change.

Don’t go ahead shouting at him in front of everyone just because he might have forgotten. This will get to him. Instead remind him in a good tone,” he adds.

On her part, Beatrice Muraguri, a psychologist, says demanding your partner be like you is unreasonable.

“Understand that it’s your unique habits that make the relationship special and adds spice  to it.

Therefore, don’t turn everything to be negative. Instead, constantly remind yourself of the positives that this person has to offer,” says Muraguri.

Turning every irritating behaviour into a target for improvement is a losing proposition, since no one wants to live in an atmosphere of constant criticism.

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