Hi Achokis. I have been married for three years now and my husband and I have one child. This past holiday, we travelled for Christmas to my husband’s family home.

They had a family get together. During one of the meal time chats, one of my husband’s aunties started talking about a certain woman that according to her, was my husband’s wife and they have children together.

It was an awkward situation and when I later asked my husband what all that was about, he reacted angrily.

His reactions plus the fact that his aunt seemed to suggest that the relationship was still ongoing has left me confused.

Is it me who is being paranoid or am I right in wanting to know the whole truth?   – Maryam

Thank you Maryam for your question. It is indeed confusing when you have lived with a person for such a time only to come and discover certain things about them that you should have been aware of.

First be grateful that this has come out now and not later. You can imagine losing your husband then someone showing up claiming to also have been his wife. 

There’s something fishy

The guilty are afraid. Your husband’s reaction does indicate that there’s something fishy here.

It is a red flag! If it was an old relationship that no longer mattered, he would have come out clean with the details and would have even been open to answer your questions.

In fact, he would have been the one to volunteer more information about the same and explain why he hadn’t mentioned this other relationship to you earlier.

It is, therefore, important for you to pursue the matter further so that you can know the whole truth. 

You are not being paranoid, you are just being pragmatic. Your relationship cannot continue the same way unless you both get to the bottom of this matter. Trust has been broken and needs to be rebuilt.

It can only be done so if you probe further and if your husband gives you all the answers that you are asking for. By your husband coming out in the open in this matter, your suspicions will be laid to rest and it will be easy for you to trust him again. 

Are you ready for the truth?

It is said that the truth sets us free. It is possible that your hubby has been dying with guilt concerning this matter, and so by providing a safe space for him, it may just help him spill the beans.

Your approach on this matter will thus be as important as the answers you are seeking. Let him know how important knowing that truth is to you and your relationship going forward. 

It is also important for you to ask yourself if you are ready for the whole truth should it be something that will hurt you.

If you know the truth you may be hurt, if you don’t pursue the matter, you will remain hurt and suspicious in the marriage. 

The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected] The writers are marriage and relationship coaches, [email protected]