Hi Achokis.

There is a woman I love so much and I have been trying to get into a relationship with her.  But she keeps fending me off.

I’ve been told that as a man, I must not give up, but should continue pursuing her, that she’s just trying to play hard to get.

I’ve been after her for the last two years, but she doesn’t seem to be yielding. What am I not doing right? Do I continue pursuing her and is what I’ve been told true? Please advise!

It is true that women like to be pursued and don’t want to look like they are easy to get. However, they also don’t like to be stalked or pestered if they are not interested.

They may not outrightly say ‘no’, but may show signs that they are not interested and it is up to you to read those signs. 

Two years is a long time for one to pursue someone without any positive signs of getting what you want. It may be that probably the way you are doing it is not right, or that she’s simply not interested. So, begin by checking how you have been doing it.

Have you made your interest known to her or are you just a secret admirer? Have you had a conversation with her concerning what you want? How has your approach been?

You see, if you approach her in a way that scares her, she may be put off, while on the other hand if you don’t take leadership and declare your intention, she might not take you seriously. 

Don’t pester her

There’s a difference between actually pursuing a woman and pestering her. In pursuing her, she will be loving the chase and will keep you coming after her.

She will make herself available in ways that will become obvious to you. Yours will be to sometimes give her space by disappearing for some time and then seeing what happens. 

Check your ego

One of the signs that she’s not interested is not returning your calls or ever accepting your request for a date. Refusing once or twice is okay, but if it becomes a perennial ‘no’, or giving countless excuses and no good reasons of not seeing you, then she’s not interested. Period! 

You also need to be careful you don’t have an ego problem. Some men can’t stand being turned away by a woman and so, will insist on pursuing her even when it is clear she’s not interested.

This only ends up her being repulsed by you. Women want guys who respect them. So, don’t allow your ego to come in the way and make you want to prove a point thus ending up hurting yourself. If it is not her, there are others out there that may be interested in you.

After all, love is not a one-way traffic, it has to be mutual. But even if it’s her, let her go, don’t they say that if it was meant to be, it will come back to you?

The writers are marriage and relationship coaches,

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