Being a mum is not all that wonderful 

Bringing a newborn into this world is most of the time seen as a blessing and a joyous moment. But to some women, it can turn out to be a stressful and a life changing event. 

Before she got married, Aisha Khan recalls admiring expectant mothers and had envisioned motherhood to be a beautiful thing. When she got married, Aisha and her husband had agreed to give themselves a year to establish their marriage and build their careers before getting a baby. However, a few months later, Aisha became pregnant. 

“I felt like I needed more time. I was so scared and emotional. I actually panicked as I had no idea what to expect. I was not ready. For the first three months, I was down. I was tired of vomiting, had mood swings and nausea. I could not even cook. Plus I had just quit my job to do some personal projects,” she recalls. 

Myriad of challenges

The pregnancy also came at a time when she was dealing with grief after losing her mother. “I kept wondering how I would manage without my mother. My hormones really took a toll on me. I used to cry a lot and it greatly affected my relationship with my husband, who I really hated and would constantly fight. He even thought I was pretending,” she continues. 

Aisha expected her friends to support her through the process. Sadly, they didn’t. She felt all alone. When she gave birth to her son, she had postpartum depression. 

“I remember getting so scared before I gave birth because I did not even know how to change a diaper. Then after the baby came, sleepless nights, crying baby and body changes, all took a toll on me. I had breastfeeding issues and when I went for formula milk, some people chose to shame me. Also, the fact that our family had an additional member, not just the two of us, and that he looked to us for everything was scary,” she says.  

The young couple, however, chose to support one another.  They share roles and responsibilities, which makes the burden lighter. 

“My partner despite having a job wakes up at night to help me change the baby. I do not feel like I’m alone,” Aisha says

Faith Gichanga, a psychologist says there are various adjustments that new mothers go through during the childbearing process that causes them psychological and emotional challenges. 

“The challenges may typically range from baby blues that last for the first two or so weeks to more severe symptoms of post-partum depression. These adjustments are both internal, such as emotional and physiological, as well as externally such as coping with the demands of a new born,” she explains. 

The mother goes through various changes such as change in identity. “A new mum has to get used to having this additional identity. And while many women may have fantasised about being called a mum, the reality of the responsibility that comes with the title can be overwhelming. This can bring in fear, anxiety and a feeling of inadequacy of the ability to take care of this fully dependent baby. If the new mother had a traumatic childhood, the anxiety is even more,” she says. 

 Many new mothers will confess that the responsibility of taking care of a new born is more than they anticipated. “The long and sleepless nights and constant attention to the baby leaves them feeling worn out. These mums normally still have other responsibilities — they have to also play the role of a wife, and if employed, they have to juggle all this. The work involved and the lack of enough rest causes stress to the mother and this may make them irritable,” she adds.

A mother also goes through physical and hormonal changes. “Typically, women’s bodies change during pregnancy and this may lower one’s self-esteem. Especially as a first time mother, these physical changes may be perceived as undesirable and therefore, cause distress. These changes include general weight gain, acne breakout, enlarged breasts, facial swelling, loss of hair, episiotomy, among others,” shares Faith. 

Not alone

Though her career was at a standstill for a while, Aisha says that through motherhood, she has gained so much courage and strength. Together with her husband, they have created time for themselves with their three months old baby now that they know his schedule.  “We take time to sit, and have a chat. We sometimes leave the baby with the nanny and mum-in-law and just have time to ourselves and go out on a date. We have also learnt how to enjoy life with our baby. Childbirth has taught me what real love is and for me, now all that matters is my husband and my little baby,” she narrates. 

Aisha now uses her social media platforms to write about her journey during and after pregnancy to encourage other women.  “Pregnancy and childbirth is hard and I share tips and my experiences. I get a lot of feedback. It has helped so much because so many women come out to me and share their stories. This gives me hope that I am not alone and use their stories to inspire and educate other women. All women need is support, love, care and less judgment,” she says in ending.