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I have been married for the last 23 years. Several years ago, I went through a challenging time financially that saw me go through depression. During that time, my wife stuck with me.

I also became a born-again Christian and started going to this church where a year later I met a woman who was from my home area. I helped her in her spiritual walk as she was a young Christian.

We became so close that we started enjoying each other’s company and even kissed. We spend a lot of time together and I also support her financially because she is jobless. I want to stop this. How do I exit and allow her to forge ahead with her life?

Our take…

Thank you for your honest question. Being together for 23 years is such a long time and you surely don’t want to throw that away, especially after your wife has been so good to you.

Often, we have seen many good men who are naive go a long way in helping a woman and without knowing it, find themselves in such a predicament. We commend you for seeking assistance instead of secretly continuing to enjoy it. 

Save your marriage

Now that you find yourself here, be radical enough to make up your mind to leave her. Realise that you are not the only person who can help her.

You either feel for her and continue being in this prison, thus destroying your marriage or take that radical step to save your marriage. It will be a painful experience, but it must be done.

However, do it in a civil way so as to minimise the casualty. You will need to let this woman know that things have gone out of hand and apologise for leading her on.

Let her know  you have realised that this is wrong and that you want your marriage. 

Accountability friend

You need to wean her off you by not going to her place or meeting her alone in a private place. Getting over such a relationship cannot be done alone.

You need help from someone who can hold you accountable. You can share what has been happening with a trusted male friend whom your wife respects and trusts. 

Sharing this with this man is important for three reasons: one, should you find it hard to communicate to her that it is over, you can go with him.

Secondly, he will be your witness who can vouch for you should the jilted woman decide to react by going public. Thirdly, he will hold you accountable as you also wean yourself off this relationship. Whichever way, know that it won’t be easy.

But what is important here is doing what is right not what is easy or what you feel. Go back to your wife and invest in your marriage. – The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]