Why I can hardly wait for governor’s return from the US

The only predictable thing about our Deputy Governor (DG) is that he is unpredictable. He is ever full of surprises.

Take for instance on Saturday, I was taken aback when I received a text message from him: “Please attend an ad hoc tendering committee meeting in my office tomorrow at 8am -Acting Governor. This message was puzzling in many ways.

First, I had never heard of an acting governor in our county. Well, you probably know that our governor is currently in the US where he has been monitoring  the presidential elections.

However, to the best of my knowledge, he left behind a deputy, not an acting governor! 

Counted electronically

Another puzzling thing was that I have never been in a tendering committee. This committee in a wenyewe.

Yet another cause of my puzzlement was the urgency of the meeting? And on a Sunday of all the days!

Well, dying with curiosity, I was at the DG’s office yesterday morning. I found my colleague MCAs Chonjo, Violata and Makayoyo, aka Makayosh plus of course the DG himself. They were in a heated debate.

“Trump was rigged out. There is no way a sitting president can lose so easily,” Chonjo said.

“Nonsense,” snarled Violata. “In America, there is no rigging. Votes are counted electronically.”

Makayosh, the MCA once described by the assembly speaker as one who opens his mouth only when he has nothing to say, interrupted to ask a question.

“There is something I still don’t understand,” he posed. “Kwani America has only registered 504 voters?”

“Why?” I asked.

“Look here. Biden got 290 votes while Trump got 214. That gives 504,” he asked in a manner suggesting that my addition skills were pathetic. 

“Those are electoral college votes,” explained Violata. “In the US, people vote in colleges.”

Makayosh looked at Violata thoughtfully before remarking, “I wish the governor could come back with enough funds, to build these electoral colleges in our county.

Our youth would get education opportunities.” We all stared at our colleague in bewilderment. 

Venomous look

“One day you will understand it,” said Violata at last. “I am so happy for Kamala. Following this trend, America will soon have a woman president,” she said. 

“Sure,” said Chonjo. “You see, Biden was the Vice president, now he is the president. So even Kamala will be president one day.”

“Oh yes. Remember I am also the deputy governor,” said the DG looking me straight in the eye as if expecting me to refute the fact.

Of course I know he is a contender for the governor’s seat we both covet for 2022, but hatoshi mboga! 

“Mheshimiwa, let’s us begin our meeting,” I said to ease the tension. The DG seemed to have forgotten why he had invited us.

He then explained that following the Covid-19 meeting between the president and the council of governors, it had been decided that each county embark son a ‘No mask, no service’ campaign: “For this reason, I thought is wise that we should urgently mount billboards announcing the same.

The billboards will have the portrait of the governor on one side and the deputy on the other.”

I was still wondering what our meeting had to do with billboards when things became clearer.

“We need to get a consultant to translate the slogan into our local language, make and mount the billboards. However, due to the urgency of this matter, we will do direct procurement.”

“I know someone who can do the job,” Chonjo put in.

The DG gave him a venomous look. “Hold on, Bwana, twende kipooole. Now after wide and extensive consultations, we have decided to award the tender to ‘Tenda Wema Investments’. 

I immediately smelt a huge rat here. If they had already settled the matter, why call us here? I posed the question to the DG.

Broad smiles

“Bwana Gwinso, Covid -19 is a reality. Let us not spend time arguing over small things like tenders,” he said.

Before anybody else spoke, the DG produced a sheet of paper and asked us to sign against our names.

“That is for your sitting and participation allowances,” he said drawing broad smiles from Chonjo and Makayosh.

On reaching home, I told Mama Hirohito what had happened. “Ati Tenda Wema Investments? Do you know the owner of that company?”

“No,” I answered.

“It is the deputy governor’s wife. See how people are getting tenders for their spouses?”

Well, I am now waiting for the governor himself to come back from the US. Kitaumana! – a.otieno@pu.ac.ke