Sign your romance is more than superficial

If you’ve been dating someone for a while—long enough to know you definitely like the person, but briefly enough that you don’t know where the relationship is ultimately head- ed—you may be starting to wonder if the connection you share has the potential for a real future, or if you’re spinning your wheels, hanging out with someone you only really connect with on a surface level.

Here’s how to know: Conversations between you get deep in an effortless, non-forced way: If you have a real connection with someone, your conversations will be easy and free flowing, not awkward.

And, importantly, they will have some substance; sure, you both love to pick apart the latest Marvel movie, but you’ll also find yourself naturally discussing important events in your lives, your families, and your feelings.

You make an effort to spend time alone together, not just in a group: If you’re always hanging out with someone in a group, it can be difficult to make a connection that’s deeper than shallow banter and flirting. If you’re spending a lot of time alone together, having real conversations, then you can actually get to know each other.

You’ve been through something difficult together: Of course, we all hope that our lives will be easy and breezy all the time, but difficult mo- ments—from illnesses, to family drama, to tough times at work—can say a lot about whether a relation- ship can last in the long term.

If your potential significant other is able to be supportive during a bad moment in your life (and better yet, if he or she goes the extra mile to really help), it’s a sign that your relation- ship has depths beyond the superficial. You progressively spend more time together: If you’re dating for months and months, and you both seem content to only see each other every once in a while, it’s a sign that neither of you feels a deeper connection (which is completely fine, by the way).

You feel comfortable being yourself: When you have a strong connection with someone, you feel comfortable being your real self. That doesn’t mean that you have to pour out all of your deepest, darkest feelings all at once, but it does mean that you aren’t constantly policing what you say and how you act. You are involved in each other’s lives/friends/families: If you’re dating and you never seem to move toward meeting friends or family members, then you might need to think about how deep your connec- tion really is.

You do more than get physical: Sure, it’s an important part of a relationship at any stage. But if you find that you and your partner spend more time between the sheets than actually talking, then you might not have much more in common than your physical chemistry.

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