Being under the care of her single father as a teenager made Esther Mali’s early monthly period experience, not the easiest. When she started her menses at 14 years old, she did not know what to do or who to speak to.

As a mother now, she would not wish the same for her daughter and has already initiated the menstruation talk.

“I was in primary school when I started getting my monthly periods and the first time it happened, I panicked. I used a lot of tissue! A few girls had started receiving their period earlier, but we did not openly discuss this. It was embarrassing. Literally, nobody knew at home that I had started my period. I did not know about sanitary towels. I wish I was prepared for my first period. My father warned me about boys, even beat me for hanging around them, but nothing about periods,” she shares.

Though her father might have been aware of what was to happen, he was not open to talking. He had made prior arrangements with a neighbouring shop, where she would take anything she needed, which would be paid for at the end of each month. This included her toiletries.  Once she learned about sanitary pads from the other girls at school, she started taking them from the shop too.

Information is power

She shares how two years ago, her 12-year-old daughter saw a period stain on her dress and panicked. This made her realise just how much she had also slept on the job on teaching this topic. “When she panicked after seeing my soiled dress, I knew immediately, if I did not talk about it, she would wake up to her first horror, maybe in school and not know what to do. So, I stopped hiding my sanitary towels and left them in visible places where she would see and be curious to ask and we started talking about the basics. If she has school trips, I also pack some pads, you never know when they happen — it is best to be prepared,” shares Esther.

To bridge the period gap in her community, Beata Mbuli started a pads drive through her community-based organisation, Reasons to Smile, where she talks to young girls about menstruation. The goal is to end the period stigma. As she shares, a lot of parents are shying away from the period talk, which is posing even higher threats for teenage pregnancies.

“Parents have a great role to play when it comes to menstrual matters. When children mess, the blame goes directly to the parents. These girls are getting into a world they do not know what’s going to happen next. They need to be informed about what’s ahead of them. There is a day I met a strange woman on the road, she stopped me and told me how she had tried to educate her daughter on pad use when she got her first period, but the young girl told her that I had already taught them how to go about it. I could not remember the girl, but clearly, I was ahead of the parent,” shares the community worker.

The truth of life is that a lot about the world has changed. Just like climate change a lot about our body functions have also changed. Girls today start their periods as early as eight years old. The question is, are we having conversations about menstruation with our preteens. Do our girls know what to expect? When you began menses, what information did you have or know that now you can pass on to your child? Aside from the biology of what happens in the body, what signs do the girls know of, associated with the horseman changes that come with menses? Headache, pimples, mood swings.

A few generations back, period talk might have felt like the most uncomfortable topic to address and so many women can openly admit that…aside from what they learnt in school in the biology reproduction lessons, not much talk came from the parents before the real experience.

Child Psychologist, Faith Mutegi advises parents to prepare their pre-teens by equipping them with the simplest information about menstruation. Girls need to be aware of the three stages; before, during and after menses. “Do they know which products are available for this important stage; from tampons, pads and menstrual cups, which underwears to use during periods and which ones are not best, what happens when it comes to the flow? Some people’s periods last for three days, while others’ flow lasts longer. Do they know that patterns change when you are stressed or when you travel? Change of weather can also change how you experience your periods. There might not have been actual manuals that we came across that would have prepared us, but today there are many ways they can monitor their flow, and they need to know,” says Faith.

Bringing everyone on board

As the expert shares, by the time you are having this conversation with your child, try not to make it as official. It could be an easy day out where then you inform her you will discuss matters ‘lady’. The idea is to demystify your child’s period such that when the time comes, they don’t panic or think they cut themselves. Don’t let them just find out about these things from the Internet.

“The talk is to make the girl know that she needs to be taking care of herself. Talk about the hygiene kit, how long she should have it on because wearing a pad for long hours, may leak or cause rashes. The talk should not be left only to the mothers. Fathers should also be part of it because what happens when the other spouse leaves? If you are left with a girl child, do you know what to do in case they start their menses? Talking about periods shouldn’t be one big talk at a particular age. Instead, start the conversation early and slowly build on your child’s understanding. Girls and boys need reliable information about periods. So make sure you talk to your sons too. Boys easily bully girls during their periods days. It might seem messy of a topic, but it is time to be in touch with your child’s experiences,” she advises.