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Bragging about one’s sexual prowess can often feel cliché. And when this talk explodes in public—and it involves married men sleeping around with girls and comparing notes in a group chat, it becomes distasteful and offensive at worst.

Harriet James @harriet86jim

Social media was ablaze over the week after a renowned media personality and a host of his boys’ club served Kenyans fodder for gossip, however stirring fierce debate on why grown married men would still engage in a game of kiss and tell. 

Despite raising the question on the audacity of the men cheating on their wives with different women and sharing their exploits on a WhatsApp group, what shocked the public was how the friends shared photos of women they bedded and went on futher to rank each other based of ‘qualities’ of their conquests.

Additionally, the question on the violation of the privacy of the women was another concern raised by online users with some terming it a double suffering and tragedy for the women who other than being played on by the men, their images were circulated online as screenshots of the group’s discussions were shared by a blogger Edgar Obare. 

Cheap mode

Kenyans online also expressed disappointment with the boys club and married men at large who go around cheating on their wives.

 “A marriage demands discipline. It demands responsibility. As a married man, you insult the society and your children if you are part of this debauchery we are seeing,” one social media user lamented.

 “You’re a CELEBRITY meaning you are CELEBRATED … for what? For deeming women? For drinking yourself stupid?

For all the drugs you can consume? Who what???? Now brothers when you become predators attacking vulnerable women with your little money just because you know they need it and you can use your cash to hurt, misuse and abuse them know this: God can and will take that money you are using as a tool to hurt other people, he can and will take that celebrity status …

Let’s raise our daughters to know better men and know men can be better than this, ” posted popular music producer, Tedd Josiah.

However, the radio presenter has dismissed the claims stating that he is currently focused on his family, work and insisted that the allegations were false and pure malice. 

In this rapidly changing society, the digital landscape has created new platforms where people can share and express themselves.

But the dark side of it is that it has become a quicker way where bullies share nudes of their victims to an unlimited online audience.

There are many more group chats where such forms of sexual malice take place. For instance, Alphas, Betas & Omegas, a channel found on Telegram provided a platform where members could post nude photos of  women and sometimes accompanied by their sex videos with the aim of shaming them.

The channel also permitted men to post their partners and inquire from others if they have been sexually engaged with them.

The channel ,which attracted over 75,000 members has been deactivated though. 

“You see, social media is widespread and cheap. Without it, someone would have to spread gossips in clubs and social gatherings, which is slow and tedious.

But online, they can simply achieve that with a click of a button. The solution to the victims is to safeguard their reputations and be careful who they get involved with.

Your name and your dignity are directly related to your happiness and fulfilment in life and you don’t want to fall prey to these sexual predators,” explains Benjamin Zulu, a counselling psychologist and life coach.

Defence mechanism

Sharing of sexual partners’ nudes or the sexual experience with no consent has been classified in sexual trauma psychotherapy as sexual assault.

The fact that a person is losing control over their bodies and their boundaries by having their vulnerable images blasted in every place causes humiliation and shame to the victims.

Psychologists view this trend as a narcissistic component in men where some of them derive pleasure in the pain of others to boost their ego.

“It is a defense mechanism that some men use to cover up their sexual inadequacies. If you dig in deeper, you will find out that the women had unpleasant experiences with them.

They share their photos because they know the women are vulnerable and will be so traumatised to retaliate,” explains psychologist Jane Wang’ombe 

 “I call this sick masculinity: a well-adjusted man respects women and will not view them merely as body parts or sex objects.

But when a man uses sexual exploits as the barometer to give him a sense of accomplishment, something in him is twisted.

He is displaying it as a trophy of achievement, while at the same time deriving a sadistic pleasure by punishing the woman through the exposure.

Perhaps the woman has refused to sleep with him anymore,” Benjamin notes 

Pastor and marriage counsellor, Odadah Okello who calls it debauchery and a misinformed notion on what masculinity entails says, “There’s no masculinity there.

Being a man means leadership, vision holder, protector, defender, provider, and security. True masculinity isn’t in sleeping around and exposing women as trophies.

It’s in purity and genuine love (not lust) for our sisters, daughters and mothers. It’s in giving them security and trust while preparing them for their future spouses,” he says .