Winging it as a single father for 13 years

Wangari Njuguna

When Tutus Wairati lost his wife in 2007, many people including his family advised him to remarry to help raise their two children.

They had been married for only five years before she passed on. The children, Dennis Michael and Immaculate Genevieve were then five and three years, respectively.

“We had our wedding in January in 2007 and had plans for a whole life ahead of us, but this was not to be,” he recalls.

But after his wife died, getting another wife was not an option. He wanted to raise the children by himself until they get of age.

Thirteen years down the line, he says this is a decision he never regrets having taken.

He says when growing up, he used to hear stories of how children being raised by stepmothers were mistreated and leading miserable lives. He did not want his children to go through the same.

 Wairati recalls one time when he participated in a church play and was given a role of an orphan.

As an ‘orphan’ he was mistreated by his stepmother and would often run to his mother’s grave crying, asking why she had to leave them so early.

“It was an emotional play and one that stuck in my mind for a long time. And when my wife died, I got a strong feeling that I should not let my children suffer,” he says.

Strong bond

In the beginning, things were not easy for him to take the role of both a mother and a father. But as time went by, he got used to it through the help of his parents and siblings.

“My family supported me in this journey and they made things easier for me,” he says.

Though the children were too young to understand the real meaning of death, he made them aware that their mother would never come back.

“At one point they wanted to know what killed her and I told them it was out of illness,” he adds.

At one time, he had to hire a house help to aid in some chores. However, he made it a personal responsibility to watch over his children and further inculcate virtues in them.

“I enrolled them in a day primary school because I wanted to spend more time with them and also monitor their behaviour,” he says.

“I cannot remember any indiscipline issue I have had from them,” he adds.

He, however, feels being a man, there are some aspects that he is not able to handle best, especially when it comes to his daughter.

“There are some issues that a mother would handle better than I would such as having a girl talk,” he says.

However, Wairati has created a strong bond with the children— they have open discussion and also make decisions together.

“We do everything together and give everyone an equal chance. This makes things easier for us,” he says.

This has, however been not without challenges among them getting unreliable house managers who have caused inconveniences.

He also had to sacrifice a lot of his social life so as to get time with the children and nurture them.

So, will he remarry? Now that his children are past their critical age, he says he can’t rule that out.

However, when the time comes for him to marry, his children will be involved in it because he would like them to be comfortable with whoever he will pick to be his wife.

“Many people have been asking me why I have not remarried yet, but I politely tell them I will when the time is due,” he says.