Household chores: Good for children, good for you

Growing up, instructions from parents sometimes were simply delivered in form of threats. For instance; a mother would often be heard saying, “Don’t clean the dishes, and just let the food burn, so you can have me for dinner, okay?” It was your cue to use your head and get things done. Failure to which would earn you some serious beating. So, we basically just learned how to do chores— the ones we enjoyed doing joined the list of hobbies.

Fast forward, today, getting your children to do their chores might end up in an actual debate, and well, the tantrums sometimes end tragic. Just what is the right age to introduce your children to chores and how do you get them to seamlessly participate in the daily house-running?

Shaban Mwanengo, a father of two, shares that introducing his nine-year-old son to chores has not been easy, but together with his wife, they train him step by step.

“We believe he is now old enough to start doing chores, so we train him patiently. There are debates once in a while, when he asks why he should do chores. There are times when it is easier to teach him, especially when he gets interested in knowing some things around the environment he lives in, so we easily jump on the opportunity as well. Currently, we have introduced him to a few household duties and personal grooming,” shares Shaban.

Being a single father, Chris Majengo shares that he had to introduce his nine-year-year old son to chores early so he could become more independent as he grows.

Learning new things

“My tactic was to teach him a new thing every year. I teach him in bits — when doing house chores, I tell him to observe, help me and then, learn. The next time, we handle the same chore, I remind him to do it the way we did it before. It’s a process of doing things over and over again,” shares the father of one and a beautician.

In addition to this, he is teaching his son that chores are not gender exclusive, and that there is no specific task for either a man or a woman. 

Having children do household tasks may not seem like a high priority for parents. One might argue children shouldn’t be burdened with household tasks. Or that it’s more important for children to focus on academics or sports.

According to a study by US company, Braun Research, 82 per cent of us did chores when we were children, but only 28 per cent of children do today. Another study conducted by Marty Rossmann of the University of Minnesota, revealed that young adults who began daily chores at age three or four were more likely to have good relationships with family and friends, to achieve academic and early career success and to be self-sufficient, as compared with those who didn’t have chores or who started them as teens. It found that giving children household chores at an early age helps to build a lasting sense of mastery, responsibility and self-reliance.

The benefits

Having morally obligated responsibilities and a sense of accomplishment can become sources of strength for children to build their resilience . They will also grow self-reliance and learn accountability.

The study followed 84 children across four periods in their lives — in preschool, around ages 10 and 15, and in their mid-20s and looked at parenting styles, gender, types of household tasks, time spent on tasks, and attitudes and motivators associated with doing the tasks – to determine their impact on the children. And it all proved that chores set up children for many successes in future. They further gain important life skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Starting them up on it though…could be half the battle. While speaking on the importance of chores to children, child Psychologist Faith Mutegi shares that chores are an important tool in teaching children to be responsible with their own things.

“Children see home as their play kingdom away from the school environment. And they don’t want more rules after adhering to the ones in school. So, if you have school going children; have a discussion. Children nowdays feel entitled, and know their ‘rights.’ So be prepared for the debate,” shares the expert, who holds parenting sessions on her YouTube channel, Parenting Conundrums.

It’s best to start by choosing chores that work for children’s ages and abilities. Chores that are too hard can be frustrating – or even dangerous – and chores that are too easy might be boring. Even young children can help with chores if you choose activities that are right for their age. You can start with simple jobs such as packing up toys.

Show the way

“By the time you are having a family conversation show them the benefits of having a healthy and clean home and the hazards that uncleanliness pose. Everybody, even adults, have those chores that they prefer to do. Find out what the child likes doing and engage them in that.  But there are those chores that they don’t like, but still need to get done.  If it’s the bed you want them to make…show them how you want it done. If it is the dishes, show them how well you like it done. While showing them, it’s basically a moment of calm where you do it as they watch,” she explains.

She adds, “Then gradually do it together, not in a criticising manner…guide them.  Step aside gradually and let them start doing it. If they break a glass, it is better to save them from the emotional guilt, it is better to lose the glass than the child.”

She also cautions parents against redoing chores immediately after, as children will start thinking it doesn’t matter what they do.

“Write out what you expect them to do… so that the rules are on the wall. As it is said ‘out of site out of mind. It is easier for them to remember what is pinned on the wall, include yourself in the duties to show them that you are also a part of that,” advises the psychologist.