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It was a bombshell, a real thunderbolt! Finally, we MCAs can relax. Never again shall we live in fear. 

We have been freed. Our liberation happened at Mitihani House last week when the Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education exam results were released.

For those who might have missed the event, please be informed that Education Cabinet Secretary – Sir George himself – declared that all examination grades, from A+ (plus) to E- (minus), were useful.

Nobody should be regarded as a failure from now on. Woe unto those detractors who have been doubting our academic qualifications.

Where are those who have been casting aspersions at our mental abilities just because we did not score the so-called top grades? They have been left with egg on the face!

And for those who want to put in place a law requiring all MCAs to have university degrees by  2022, see you in court.

We are determined to secure our gains. We are going to ask the Chief Justice to constitute a five-judge bench to put a stop to your ill-conceived, mischievous and nefarious plans to force MCAs back to the classroom! 

There is another reason why I was excited by the earth-shaking announcement: It accorded me a chance to get back at my rival, Alfafa. You probably remember how this man, whose only mission in life is to unseat me, spoilt my prize-giving function.

He told the police I was holding an illegal meeting. The cops came and broke up our innocent gathering.

However, I took everything in stride and vowed to live on and fight another day. That day, finally arrived.

“I hear Alfafa is planning to reward the top KCSE performers in the ward,” my handler Mokonyonyo, aka Moks, told me as the results were released.

“Remember what he did to us when we wanted to do the same for the KCPE top scorers?”

I was overwhelmed by feelings of resentment towards Alfafa as I recalled how the police had mishandled me that day. I had to revenge.

“We should not allow him to discriminate against those who did not get ‘A grades’! thundered Moks, raising my desire for vengeance a notch higher.

“When and where is he planning to hold the event?” I asked.

“On Saturday. I am not sure where, but he might use the school hall.”

“Ok, Moks. Cheza kama wewe. That function should not take place.” I saw my sidekick’s face brighten.

If there was one thing Mokonyonyo enjoys, it is breaking up events. This is his speciality. “And please, Moks, ensure nobody knows about my involvement in this plot.”

Although I wanted to repay Alfafa for the wrong he did to me, I also wanted to protect my image. A governor-in-waiting should not be seen as a vengeful person. 

So on Friday, the eve of the action day, I sought the company of my rival. I had to keep him close and ward off any suspicion.

The High Court judgement on the BBI gave us much to talk about at length.

“Do you still desire to become an MCA now that the ward development fund may not be forthcoming?” I asked him.

“Listen, Mister. I am not interested in the money,” my rival said with an air of self-righteousness.

“I want to serve the people. I am even ready to sacrifice for them. That is why tomorrow I will use my own money to take the top KCSE performers and their parents for a tour.” 

I fought hard to hold back a gasp. So it was not a party after all? Our plans to disrupt had instead been disrupted!

Later that evening, I called Moks and told him of the new development. 

“Mhesh, leave everything to me,” he said in his usual coolness. 

I went to bed assured.

The following day I got a little anxious when, by noon, I had not received any report from Moks.

I sent him a text message to which he replied, ‘disruption loading’. It did not take long before a phone call came from Alfafa. The man sounded beaten. 

“…I tell you it was terrible. I don’t know how those fellows learnt of the tour. Imagine they insisted although they had scored Ds, they too had a right to be rewarded. They sat in the bus and stayed put.”

“What did you do?” I asked, doing my best to sound sympathetic.

“I had no choice but to cancel the trip. But let me assure you, I will catch whoever is behind this,” he swore and hang up.

I wish him luck, but I now believe revenge is a dish best served cold, au sivyo? – [email protected]