Listen to This Article Enhance your reading experience by listening to this article.

For any nation, extraordinary events such as a pandemic, an election, civil unrest and disruptive lockdowns create an unfamiliar and threatening climate for the children who end up having feelings of fear and confusion as they observe the behaviour of their parents or other adults around them.

Child psychologists say this particular season, including weeks after the General Election, parents need to be mindful about how the entire situation may look and feel to a child. Hence, there is need for parents to connect with their children and explain to them the happenings so that they do not feel left out, or feel emotionally abandoned.

Josephine Wanjohi a transformation life coach with an academic background in social work, counselling and human resource shares her experience of the just concluded elections. 

“My two older children aged 13 and 10 years are politically woke. On the D-day, they actually kept reminding me to go and cast my vote since some youths kept blowing vuvuzelas. My husband had to explain to them why he wasn’t going to vote as he had lost his national identity card a few days towards the big day,” explains Josephine.

She adds: “We held discussions whenever the opportunity came up and not purposely. On the day they were sent home for the midterm break, they understood that they would resume school after elections. When we got home, it was the big word, which my six year old struggled to pronounce as she attempted to update us.” 

Her 10-year-old shared how the election is like a competition. “He was relating this competition to the one he has seen in school where pupils elected governors and other students representatives. We explained to them the nature of the elections. They understood that it was happening in the entire nation and it is always the case after every five years,” Josephine says.

Holding together

What kept her children busy during the tallying process was playing games or watching channels that are child friendly. “We are a family that doesn’t always hang onto the news given alternative media sources. This, to a great extent reduced anxiety. As parents, we hardly talk about politics during the time we spend with our children, unless when the topic comes up,” she explains.

A combination of play, studying, outdoor activities such as evening walks, helping with chores helped a lot.Josephine says avoiding subjective political discussions has kept them going and united as a family.“We ensured that anyone who raised a question in the course of the process got a response. On the voting day, I realised that both the 13 and 10-year-old had their candidate’s preference mainly influenced by peers and teachers, from my assessment. They kept asking me who I was voting for. I told them that my candidate is my choice and I prefer to keep it private. As of that time, my reasoning was that I didn’t want them to profile my choice, but rather focus on us getting a leader,” she says.

Josephine  says that in as much as parents may have preferred candidates, which is healthy, the goal when engaging with children in related discussions should be to pass on electoral literacy objectively, such as the need for good leadership and the role of elections in it.  She opines, “Today, children are exposed to a lot of information, hence we should pay attention to what they are picking and be available to have conversations with them.”

Mercy Amuguni Masiga, a Play and Art Therapist who also doubles up as a psychologist says in such a “seasonal environment” adults may get so caught up that they may forget the emotional well-being of their families. 

Family loyalty over patriotic duty

This may be characterised by; physical distance whereby one is active on the campaign trail thus having no time to spend with family, mental distance where one is pre-occupied with campaign arguments with colleagues and friends, following political news so closely that family emotional needs are forgotten and recruiting where parents insist on loading their political views on their children not by facts and reasoning, but by emotional blackmail and categorising the opponents in bad light. It becomes more complicated when the parents hold divergent political views. Disappointed parents may also direct their anger, anxiety and dissatisfaction to their spouses and children.

“Voting and supporting a candidate is a patriotic duty. But it should never be put above family loyalty and responsiveness to your families’ (spouse or children) basic needs, emotional needs notwithstanding,” she says. 

She adds: As an adult, you should understand yourself in the context of society. That you are a spouse, a parent, a member of the workforce and a citizen and you should not allow your responsibilities as a citizen to hurt your work or family.” The expert further says it is important to have candid and open discussions as a family.  “Forgive and ask for forgiveness where you wronged each other and agree to walk as a family,” she says.

Maintaining routines and family cultures also act as a safety net. Having meals together, a regular bedtime, phone calls if in different places, all serve to ensure the family that life goes on. “If you notice that the family bases have disintegrated and you and your spouse or children can no longer hold it together after the election period, seek professional help from a family coach, family counsellor or psychologist,” Mercy says.

Mercy says winning and losing an election come with a wave of emotions— hysteria for winners and mourning for losers. “A note to the winners is that they should be considerate in their celebrations, thus setting a good example for children in graceful winning. Remember at the end of the day you have to go back to normal working routine with those you may consider ‘losers,’” she shares.

And as all eyes focus on Supreme Court following various election petitions, the psychologist says it is important to be aware of how one’s mourning may affect the children. “Be genuine, talk about the loss. Take this time to educate your children that losing is part of life, but loss is not fatal. One can rise up and try again or one can change their pursuit into a different area,” she says.

She shares how it is important to educate your children about the court process without whipping emotions or preaching defeat. “Ensure in all communications, your children knows whoever wins, Kenya wins,” she says, adding that one should be conscious not to sink in despair as this may make the children anxious.